Saturday, 21 May 2011

The Pre-Rapture Will and Testement of Stephen Glenn

I Stephen Glenn, being of sound mind am writting this will and testement before the rapture reported to be 21 May 2011. However, as Matthew 23:36 says:

"No one knows about that day or hour. Not even the angels in heaven know. The Son does not know. Only the Father knows." New International Version

I'm fully expecting it to be another false alarm just like Matthew 23:23-26 says:

At that time if anyone says to you, 'Look, here is the Messiah!' or, 'There he is!' do not believe it. For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. See, I have told you ahead of time. "So if anyone tells you, 'There he is, out in the wilderness,' do not go out; or, 'Here he is, in the inner rooms,' do not believe it." New International Version

Of course my will and testement pertaining to my death names some people of faith as beneficiaries and therefore I need to appoint a temporary will and testement of my non-believing and heathen friends*. However, just in case I've thought long and hard which other bloggers, who appear likely to not be raptured, should get my key possessions.

Therefore my CD collection I leave to oneexwidow. He does after all have a Not an A-Z list of his CDs as well as an A-Z of his CDs. Some of his omissions will be dealt with by the acquisition upon rapture of my CDs, although there are some duplicates in both our CD collections. Therefore I give Andrew permission to disperse of them to worthy bloggers left post-rapture.

My DVD collection I leave to Caron Lindsay. She has always been keen to see some of the films, TV series or gigs that are included in my collection. I know that on occasion she has bought some of her own, therefore as with Andrew above I give her permission to allocate the duplicates to worthy homes.

My soft toy collection, with one notable exception see below, has to be left to Daddies Richard and Alex of Millennium Dome. I trust  that they will along with Millennium be good guides to my fluffy menagerie in fluffy liberals.

The exception to the above is Lionel de Livi, whom Millennium has met but as Millennium has a fear of cats, I will allocate Lionel to the home where I will be sending my football programme collection, which I leave to setindarkness. As Paul first came to be my friend through looking up Livingston Football Club to take his son along to games, I'm sure they will both appreciate my extensive collection of Livingston and Meadowbank Thistle and other programmes. A history of many of the clubs good and not so good moments.

My library I shall have to bequeath to Jonathan Calder of Liberal England. I trust there is a cosy corner in the library of Bonkers Hall where these can be kept and made accessible to any member of the Liberal Democrats who wishes to peruse them there near Market Harborough. 

My laptop, hotel booking for Birmingham conference, mobile broadband dongle and cash in my account I leave to Miss_S_B as I'm sure all of these will help Jennie to keep blogging for a little longer. And a short walk to a decent hotel in Birmingham I'm sure will be appreciated.

My other worldly good I shall donate to Andrew Reeves safe keeping. He may even be able to sell my stamp collection and guitars to help toward the cost of a few of the lost deposits in the Scottish Elections earlier this month.

Of course I'm fully hoping to still be around on the 22nd May, after all I have to play bass in the service on Sunday morning and there are still 2 episodes to the end of this half series of Doctor Who. I'd also like to sing The Land and shout out "Tony Blair can f*** off and die" at Glee one more time at least in Birmingham. 

Of course this will and testement becomes null and void if I have not be raptured along with a number of other people at midnight on the 21st.

UPDATE You may be pleased to know I am still here at 20:00

* No offence guys you've all self confessed on that score ;-)

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