Saturday, 9 May 2009

How to Leave the Planet

I just had a thought when I woke up last night that some of my Towel Day tributes may inspire some intripid earthman/ape descendent/monkey man/carbon based lifeform that thinks digital watches are a pretty neat idea [Delete as applicable] to see the wonders of the Galaxy for less than 30 Altarian Dollars as day, they may want to know how to get started.

I think the advice from Douglas Adams himself from the anthology of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy in 1983 and in the same for the Trilogy in Four Parts in 1985 may be of assistance. I cannot vouch for the accuracy of DNA's original phone numbers. And I have added a little few additions in the footnotes.

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483-3111. Explain that's it's very important taht you get away as soon as possible.

2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House* - (202) 456-1414 - to have a word on your behalf with the guys from NASA.

3. If you don't have any friends at the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107-095-295-90510. They don't ahve any friends there either (at least none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.

4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible.

5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer** and explain that's it vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

* Which of us in this Facebook age aren't a friend of the big man himself.
** You may wish to contact SETI (Search for Extra Terrestial Intelligence) for guidance as to the best direction to look.

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