New jersey for the Tour de France

Just as the race rolls out from Samatan this morning you may spot a rider wearing a new blue jersey.

After the events of yesterday Tour Director Christian Prudhomme overheard the suggestion from the Sky Team bus that there should be a jersey for the rider who was best at tacks avoidance. When Prudhomme asked Berhard Eisel where he could acquire such a jersey at short notice he was directed towards Garmin-Sharp stage winner David Millar.

There is an added incentive to wearing the blue jersey. At the end of each stage the director sportifs of the other teams will gather to vote. The wearer will either be the same time as the best riders, or he will be relegated to the time of the second group on the road, or he will be relegated to the time of the  lanterne rouge.

The jersey below was handed over and will now be an integral part of Tour folklore. To see who will wear this jersey tune in later, will it be one of the established teams with a long history with Le Tour or one of the new teams?

Politics is the art of looking for trouble...#ldconf

...finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx

Silent Harpo with Groucho Marx

Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form. 

Thus said Karl Marx. It is a little some some of the recent comments made over the issue of data storage (notice I say that an not increased security measures) over Liberal Democrat Conference applications.

The reason I'm saying that was a conversation I had earlier on Twitter, with Martin Shapland the outgoing chair of Liberal Youth. He'd tweeted "Should I go to #slf conference? Seems a bit too lefty...".

Quick as a flash considering I was on the move I tweeted back the following.

 With a rapid follow up with two key elements highlighted.

Yeah that is right I was clearly telling a joke, I'd hashtaged it as such. I also clearly was as part of the joke using the Marx brothers especially the silenced, must likely Groucho, to lighten the mood about a lot of things, hence the other two hashtags.

As Caron said yesterday let's try and keep the Lib Dem Conference accreditation debate civil one thing that a lot of friend have been saying in recent days is What Would Andrew (Reeves) Do? Of course when there was tension building he would know just when to break in enough humour to help diffuse the situation. I know that me and Martin are on different sides of that accreditation argument. Hence the humour above. I was trying to lighten the load.

It descended into the travesty of did I know anything of Karl Marx, well yes actually I did. As part of my degree course at the end of the cold war era we had the whole of the second term Economic Philosophy module pencilled in to study communism. In the end this became 4 weeks and 2 further weeks in how they would shift post communism as that regime was more or less falling. I have read Capital and The Communist Manifesto not because I am extreme left ring  in the same way I didn't read Milton Friedman A Monetary History of the United States or Frank Knight's Risk, Uncertainty and Profit because I a total monetarist. I did it as part of a rounded economics education, upon which I could base my own thoughts, apply the best of both to a truly socially responsibly liberal society which as a Lib Dem I believe is the way forward.

Marx, that is Karl not Groucho, wrote of his time a time when serfs still laboured in the fields of Europe, and men moving to our town did so as the the virtual slaves of the factory, mine or mill owner, who wanted them to be a unit of production for as much as they could for as long as they could without a care about their well being if it ate into their profits. Part of what Marx identified as problems in the mid 19th Century were dealt with by policies that Liberal Governments or thinkers brought into being state pensions, universal health care etc.

But having decided to raise my issues directly with the Federal Conference Committee and no longer go public about them I though I'd best defend my use of humour to relieve tension. I'm sorry it has failed on this occasion and made me fume for the last three hours (you should see previous drafts of making this point). Guess I can't be the joke around, self deprecating me that people know and love. Guess I'll just stop trying, clearly we are now a party that has to take ourselves all too seriously that we can't take a principled stance and debate it in a reasoned way.

I guess old Karl was right, reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form., it certainly seems to be the case amongst some of my fellow Liberal Democrats just now. So when I turn up at conference if I seem a little unreasonable you'll know the reason why.


Guess if we can't laugh that means no Glee club and those of us without a humour by pass had better join the Official Monster Raving Loony Party.

Frisbee Gains Status Better Than Wiff Waff

Boris Johnson (in)famously declared that Wiff Waff (aka Ping Pong or table tennis) was coming home to the London 2012 Olympics, while in Beijing 2 years ago.



Well as today he announced he was standing again for Mayor, in the hope of being on hand to welcome 'Ping Pong' home to the dinning tables of England [sic]. He may well have inadvertently announced a new sport. If we can get the IOC to ratify it even better. He said:

"I have more chance of being decapitated by a Frisbee [than becoming Prime Minister."

The frisbee flingers in Regents or Hyde Park or anywhere else in London now have a reason to practice. I mean what more noble cause than to lead to the election of the first headless Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Write to the IOC today and ask that Frisbee Decapitation of Boris gets full recognition, you know it makes sense.

The American Colonial Anthem: If Things Had Turned Out Differently

With the growth of the tea party movement I got to thinking what would have happened if in Boston harbour the tea hand't been poured over the side of the M.V. William into the water as a protest to the colonial power.

So with apologies to my American friends who don't have a sence of humour and none whatsoever to those that get Python or Douglas Adams, here is a reworking of the Star Spangled Banner to reflect a different historical outcome.

Oh, say! let's make tea by the dawn's early light

What so proudly we drink after the William's last sailing;
Whose broad leaves and sweet taste, form a marvelous sight,

O'er the remnants of sleep we're so gallantly beating?

And the cooker's red glare, the steam bursting in air,

Gave proof through the morn that our water was boiled:
Oh, say! does that milk jug get used before the tea pot*
O'er the land of the tea and the home of the Queen?

On the bench, dimly seen through the mists of the sleep,

Where the tea's many leaves in dried teabags reposes,
What is that which the pot, o'er the strainer keep,
As it fitfully flows, half for now, half for later?

Now it catches the steam of the morning's first cup,

In full glory released now shines as we sup:
'Tis the good morning cuppa! Oh, long may it serve

O'er the land of the tea and the home of the Queen!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of tea and the coffee's confusion

A home and a country should leave us no more?

Their coke has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution!

Infusion made by the hireling and slave
For the master at night or mistress's parlour:

And the cross stitch or knitting in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the tea and the home of the Queen.

Oh, thus be it ever, when teapots shall stand
Into our loved home and the tealeaf's infusion!

Sweet with sugar and milk, or without neither's bland
Praise the Power that is made and pour out for us a nation!

Then infuse we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In Tea is our trust":

And the perforated bag in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the tea and the home of the brave.

*Have to use the multiple beats in sta-ar spa- angle-ed banner here.

Time to Be Making Your Mind Up

It looks like those nice people at Total Politics have been raiding Mr Dale's record collection, at least I hope it was his and now mine. They've even picked up a Diamond and some Bucks Fizz.

But I see some of my favourite people in there. Some of the highlights, Harry Cole losing his skirt, Iain Dale failing his audition, plus Mark Thompson, Helen Duffet and others putting on their dancing shoes allegedly.

As nominations closed this evening the ballot papers will be getting made up shortly it really is time to make you mind up.

The Future Evolution of the Lib Dem Bar Chart

Thanks to Lib Dem Voice's 2x2 this morning for this to cheer up the shortest night.

Now to just work out how to get in unto literature and into people's letter boxes.



Only joking James and Kez.

This Letter Will Never Be Writ

Inspired by this comment on Brian Taylor's blog but I don't think we'll see this letter on Holyrood headed paper anytime soon at all.

Mr James Devine

I refer to my above named constituent and the case brought against his for theft by false accounting.

I have been aware of Mr Devine's case since May 2009 when he sought assistance from me after a publication of his shelving requirements was published in the Daily Telegraph. It was clear at the time that he recognised the serious nature of the matter he was facing and that it would be necessary to report himself to the police to prove his innocence, and that he had not obtained the money unlawfully.

For a number of years Mr Devine has suffered from low self-esteem mainly associated with his predecessor; he has a office staff, including a job under five years old; and he is heavily involved in the community. All of these aspects of his life have been significantly impacted upon by the mistake he has made.

Mr Devine has denied his wrongdoing and has experienced the consequences of through the loss of his job and withholding of his severance pay, the distress caused to his office staff and his standing in his community. He has advised me that he was merely shifting the £5,500 from his stationary account to his staffing account and has said, since he first sought my advice, that he will sell his interest in his property in London to settle back in Scotland.

He and his, well ok maybe not his office staff, are anxious that a custodial sentence may be imposed by the court and of the further affect this will have on Mr Devine's wealth and the impact on his personal life. I would appeal to the court to take the points raised here into account and consider alternatives to a custodial sentence.

Yours faithfully,

Angela Constance MSP
Member for Livingston

***EXCLUSIVE*** Mrs Robinson's Toyboy - Updated 22:44

So people are saying that Spotlight are going to exclusively reveal the indentity of the young man with whom Iris Robinson had an affair.

Let's look at what we have heard in the last 24 hours. He was a businessman and he was under 21. So I thought why wait, did a little digging around and can now reveal a whole 3 hours and 15 minutes earlier just who Mrs Robinson was having it off with. This young man is in 'plastics' and is known to Mrs Robinson as you can see.



Updatee 22:44 Looks likeI was wrong BBC name somebody.

Miranda Hart's View of What the Leader's Mean

Miranda Hart did a review of 2009 the other day and it was hilarious. At the time there was a lot of banter going back and forth across the Internet between those of us in different political parties as there were edited versions of all the leaders words to distort their messages.

Thing is us political types are more than capable of laughing at ourselves so here they are in all their splendour.

First up the Prime Minister.



Next the man who would be king.



And finally in the interests of balance and impartiality Nick Clegg*.



*I way off to Nick's left almost as far left as I could be [insert you own comment if you want] ;).

It's Friday, It's Doughnut Day

Every Friday at work is Doughnut day (fruit alternatives were campaigned for and are available) so therefore this cartoon from Peter Brookes in today's Times, brought a timely smile to my face.

Although just when will the UK be last to pull ourselves out of the economic hole?

Wherefore Art Thou

Have to admit that turning on my computer this morning this made me giggle.

Yeah goggle.co.uk decided to rewrite mythology for St. George's day. Which this scene from St. George and Juliet to mark St. George's day and Shakespeare's birthday. St. Geroge's wooing of the dragon.

O St. George, St. George! wherefore art thou St. George?
Deny thy calling and refuse thy sword;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a fire, breathing pest.

A Few Images for Election Day in Glasgow East

Firstly it looks as if Kezia Dugadale has been lending stuff to Labour candidate Margaret Curran.

Image from the Times

Yes is that really Kez's own soapbox making an appearance on the stump?

Then Peter Brookes cartoonist in The Times offers Gordon Brown some advise should it all go wrong.