What Northern Ireland Doesn't Want?

Image from the BBC

Since I've been back in Northern Ireland I've spent one or two (ok maybe more) nights enjoying the night live in Belfast. I think I've already spent more nights out in Belfast this year than I did during my five years back here, one advantage of a more reasonably timed last train (or possibly a wider variety of places to crash in Belfast).

There is even from those days a decade ago a lot of change to the city. Even more architecture beauty has sprung up giving the City a modern face. Even more brand names now have outlets in the city centre, I could as easily be shopping in Edinburgh or Livingston as Belfast. Indeed Wagamama is coming to Victoria Square in November, me and Mícheál are already salivating at the prospect.

It is a very different place from when I was growing up, or is it?

Mícheál posted in the early hours about another bomb blast in Derry. With the unfortunate advantage of a few extra years I remember the the 70s vividly.

I remember going shopping through the barricades, hindering ease of access for the old or infirm to our town and city centres. Once we got to those shops having to be searched upon entry.

My father's school, RBAI at the time, looked down Wellington Place often hearing, sometimes seeing, bombs going off. Pupils were sometimes being told not to take a certain route to the train home because of an incident blocking their way. Once at the station or on the train there may have been a suspect device on the tracks that delayed your return, while relatives sat at home waiting anxiously watching the news to see if you were ahead of behind the incident.

Then when you driving around there were restrictions in place. Roads blocked off or the police with their army escorts carrying out spot checks. Acting on a tip off of terrorist activity in the area, trying to flush out their men.

These are all things we don't want to go back to. After years of unrest the people of Northern Ireland are enjoying their peace. There are cross-community projects of all sorts going on across the province. There is hope.

But then there is the dissident republicans. Who instead of seeing the economic, social and well being benefits of the peace that has been largely in place still want more. They plant bombs which destroy livelihoods, re-open emotional scars, even lead to physical injury or death.

As Mícheál said in his heading enough is enough.

I'm Not a Statistic...But Came So Close

For the moment Tyler Clementi (18) is the most infamous teen suicide victim, but in time he will become a statistic. Just like Raymond Chase (19), Seth Walsh (13), Asher Brown (15), and Billy Lucas (13), five other young gay American teens who have taken their life in recent weeks however over time he may well turn into just another statistic.

They were all bullied at school. Now they were a mix of races, mix of locations, the one common denominator is that they were all gay and they had all in some way been bullied because of it. As a seventeen year old I too almost became one of those statistics for exactly the same reasons. I stood at the end of the breakwater in town on a particularly stormy day knowing if I took one further step I would be crushed by the breakers against the concrete before anyone could get near me, or indeed the RNLI Lifeboat could be launched from across the marina.

As an adult while out one night I actually was able as a confident out man to run into one of the people who had actually bullied me for being gay at school. Someone who had physically beaten me unless I ran, who hurled names at me. It was something I myself was in denial of at that time, unlike (from what I read) the five young men who are no longer with us.

But on that Saturday I went up to that former bully of me and said just three simple words, "You were right."

I got a stare back, then a "What?"


So I expanded, "You were right, I am gay, and it doesn't make me any less of a man."

There are those who have known me over the past 24 years. Those who have known what I have done, either for them personally or for a group of people they know or are involved with, who may actually say it makes me more of a man. There has been so much in the last 24 years that I have been able to give to others. Some of it sure is because of my sexuality, most of it is in spite or irrelevant to that aspect of my life.

Sadly the world is missing out on what Tyler, Raymond, Seth, Asher and Billy have got to offer in the years that should still be ahead of them. Sadly it is also missing out on some of the people I've known personally who are more that just a mere statistic. Some of whom did come to me for help along the way, some of whom couldn't handle it for whatever reason ended it. There are others that I know have thought about ending their own lives but haven't and are still with us, still having a lot to give.

Reading the details of some of these stories over recent weeks has brought a lot of memories back. Ones that make me want to curl up in a ball and shut the world out. But something the last 24 years has led me to do is be someone who speaks out.

Here is where Stonewall have it right we need to end homophobic bullying wherever it happens; schools, churches, workplaces, public transport, anywhere. However, it happens while there is not equality and without equality some will always see it as not-normal, sub-normal even. However, as my statement above said being me, being gay, hasn't made me any less of a man.

I've run at a high level, debated with confidence with politicians and leaders of parties, deal with senior bosses of a multi-national company prepared to say no if the answer actually is no. None of these things is dependent on my sexuality but on attributes or skills that are as intrinsic a part of me of who I fall in love with.

The skills of too many young gay men, or lesbian women are being lost to our world while others bully them to the point they cannot take it. Those of us they trust can only reach out so far and can't be there 24/7/365.

Something else that came out of last night's discussion was that when we were teenagers struggling with our sexuality there weren't gay role models, either on the national stage or who we knew personally. That is a lot easier now to find in Northern Ireland and I hope in parts of the USA, but it isn't always easy. However, comments from leaders in fields that young people look up to like the one made by 50 Cent whatever its intention do not make things easy. Other teens then feel it is alright to carry on with the gay bashing. The fact that in teen slang 'gay' means something is bad leads to extra pressure these days.

Or course heterosexual teens are bullied as well. Heterosexual teens also take their own lives. But the reasons for bullying them do not seem in some small way to be institutionalised by the difference in status, available status etc that is afforded to them over LGBT teens. Normalisation needs to happen through full equality.

The Presbyterian Church in Ireland's Take on Homosexuality and Me

Yesterday evening while I was at the Peace Centres Ireland and Changing Attitude Ireland event in Belfast it was mentioned that in 2007 that my church, the Presbyterian Church in Ireland (PCI), had come up with Pastoral Guidelines. I thought I'd better read them, especially as I also felt compelled to write a letter to my minister following last Sunday's sermon which was on 1 Thessalonians 4.

The first thing that strikes me is the first paragraph of the preamble:

While a person's sexuality is a very important part of their lives, it does not define who they are. Biblically we as a church maintain that a person is defined in the first instance in terms of their relationship to God – creation in relation to Creator. To refer to a person as a homosexual, a lesbian or a heterosexual is therefore to narrow their identity to their sexuality alone. For this reason it seems better to refer to 'people' who have 'same sex attraction'.

Now there are a lot of things that define my identity. I don't call find a way to avoid the fact that I am male, even though that doesn't express my identity alone. Nor do I shy away from being a Liberal Democrat, an ex-sportsman, a geek etc. There are many things that make up my identity, being homosexual is just one of them.

My homosexuality isn't also merely a matter of attraction to someone of the same sex. A dictionary definition of attraction is:

1. The act or capability of attracting.

2. The quality of attracting; charm.

3.

a. A feature or characteristic that attracts.

b. A person, place, thing, or event that is intended to attract

4.

a. The electric or magnetic force exerted by oppositely charged particles, tending to draw or hold the particles together.

b. The gravitational force exerted by one body on another.

Now, of course there are things about the person/s that I fall in love with that attract me to them, but like any relationship hetero or homosexual the more you get to know someone you also find the dark recesses. Those things are not attractive, sometimes the things you end up doing for someone you love are not attractive. It doesn't mean that you do not love them but is it then that you realise that it beyond mere attraction, when you still feel the same about them despite the ugly, unattractive parts of what being part of a couple entails.

There is hope in the opening paragraph setting out the need for Pastoral Care with this paragraph:

It is clear that people of all ages who have same sex attractions are very reluctant to tell others because of fear, prejudice etc. Keeping their feelings hidden out of fear has a significant impact on mental health.

Sadly it is very true, that the element of keeping sexuality hidden can have an impact on sexual health. We are taught as Christians not to bear false witness, yet part of our witness as gay Christians is our sexuality. As I mentioned last night the fact that when people realise it affects people they know

There are some positive affirming statements (emphasis mine):

When we condemn homosexual practice in isolation or single it out as somehow worse than other sexual practices outside of heterosexual marriage then we demonstrate homophobic attitudes.

and

There needs to be the recognition within the church that the desires for love (in all its aspects), intimacy, companionship etc. that move heterosexual couples towards marriage are the same desires that motivate those with same sex attractions.

Sadly there is the footnote:

As stated, the position of the Presbyterian Church in Ireland is that sexual practice is only for heterosexual marriage. As a church therefore our aim ought to be to help ALL unmarried people to cope with sexual pressures. We realise this raises issues regarding celibacy. While this is an area of debate in relation to the 'hope of marriage', essentially ongoing sexual pressures still need to be controlled.

The debate for the 'hope of marriage' is one that I think needs to be discussed, especially in light of the comments above about desires for love in all aspects. As I've mentioned before 1 Corinthians 7: 7-9 says:

"I (Paul) wish that everyone were like me, but each person has his own gift from God. One has one gift, another has another gift. Now for those who are not married and for the widows I say this: it is good for them to stay unmarried as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry. It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desires." New Century Version

So you have a church that is telling me it acknowledges my love has desires in all its aspects yet denies a physically expression of that love outside marriage. What level of that physical expression is a line to drawn? Wherever it is I have already crossed it, because I do burn with sexual desires, often stemming out of deep love, not merely attraction, for a man. The bible through Paul tells me it is better to marry than to burn with such desires, yet I don't have that option from my church, however much I want to.

What am I to do?

I'm writing two letters one to my own minister in light of last Sunday evening's sermon, the other to Board of Social Witness to ask about their seven recommendations, especially some of the latter ones.

Homosexuality and Faith

Cross posted on Liberal Democrats in Northern Ireland

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

1 John 4:18

Tonight I was in a backed room in Grosvenor House, Belfast for a meeting organised by Irish Peace Centres in association with Changing Attitude Ireland and the Methodist Church in Ireland. Of course I realised I had no paper to make notes, but did have my iPhone. The key speaker was David Walton, a lay Methodist preacher from Eccles, who was a past VP of the British Methodist Conference. The subject was sexuality and faith, here are some rough notes of the areas covered..

After starting with some personal anecdotes about his own sexuality David went on to say we have to acknowledge there are a number of issues that the Churches still face when it comes to homosexuality

1. There is a sense of disgust about the act and the subject itself
2. There is the argument about promiscuity (but looking around us this is not confined to the LGBT community)
3. There is the matter of cohabitation, sex outwith marriage, divorce etc all leading to the break down of marriage as the church sees it.

Sexuality has become a test of orthodoxy in the eyes of many churches, both for themselves and for others faith. However, what is slowly breaking that down is when there is someone, a grandchild, child, sibling etc that you know who is openly gay.

In 1993 the Methodist Church started what they called their pilgrimage to understanding human sexuality. In the end they came to accept relationships and civil partnerships, but stop short of allowing blessings in church (and therefore by default also equal marriage).

There is discussion going on in most churches about diversity. Although some are coming to conclusions without meeting LGBT people, or acknowledging that there are some within their congregations.

One thing that all sides of those with faith can agree on is the need of strong and stable relationships, based on honesty, fidelity, self control etc. Especially in the light of the world we are living in.

When it comes down to the acts of sex, which we too often focus on, we are ignoring the core of what loving relationships actually are.

There was then a time for question and discussion within the people present. One highlight was from Gerry Lynch who said, when the church is seen as being less accepting that our secular society we [the church] have a real issue.

This is only part of the initiative that Irish Peace Centres is running. They are seeking to have conversations that difficult conversations across social divides but had in a way solid debate and not name calling from opposing camps.

There will be two series one for LGBT people who love their faith

October 15th & 29th, November 12th and 26th, December 10th

The other for parents and friends of LGBT people

November 8th, December 6th, January 10th, February 7th, March 7th

Both series attendance at all 5 meetings is requested and if you are interested email padraig@cooperationireland.org who will provide details of the venue in Belfast where the discussions will take place.

It's Friday...so...Farewell Oscar Nominees

This week we actually lost three Oscar nominees. Some were more widely publicised than others but all had a good innings. So today I'm going to celebrate some of their best work.

First up is triple nominee director Arthur Penn. He was nominated for Alice's Restaurant (1969), The Miracle Worker (1962) and this his opus 1967's Bonnie and Clyde here is the final scene where the titular anti-heroes meet their fate.



Whereas Penn died in Manhattan the next Oscar nominee was born there. In his later days he became the lovable survivor of the studios' star system. Tony Curtis was only nominated for an Oscar once for The Defiant Ones (1958), but was of course in that iconic homoerotic oysters and snails scene from the 1960 Spartacus. Finding a scene I could embed was difficult but I eventually got this classic scene from Houdini.




Finally, although she was known to recent audiences as the elder Rose from Titanic (1997) for which she earned her Oscar nomination (as the oldest ever at 87) Gloria Stuart had a career prior to retiring in 1946. As fans of the Rocky Horror Picture Show are all too aware Claude Rains was The Invisible Man (1933) but Gloria played his fiancée, often acting to nothing, but having to look at where the noise of Rains voice were supposed to come from if he wasn't invisible at the time.



Quite a collection of noteables have passed on this week.

Ryder Cup Defined: Unravelling the Language

For those of you who agree with Mark Twain that 'Golf is a good walk spoiled' you may want to look away now. The Ryder cup is back in the British Isles.

Four years ago my late father was recovering from aa round of radiotherapy when the even came to Ireland for the first time, this year it is in Wales. But there are some strange terminoligies that get used in this biennial event so here is a quick glossary.

Fourballs: As the name suggests the players go out in two teams of pairs playing a ball each. The lowest score for each pair counts for that team, if it is lower than the opposition they gain the hole. If they are equal the hole is tied. (in Ryder Cup there are 2 Fourball round with 4 teams in each)

Foursomes: Again is played in pairs but they only have one ball between them with the same scoring system (in Ryder Cup there are 2 Foursome round with 4 teams in each)

Singles: As the name suggests in man against man. This is the final set of matches on Sunday and will be the only round to feature all twelve players from both teams on the course at the same time. It is also possible for a player not to have taken part in any of the Fourballs or Foursomes to make their only appearance in the Singles.

Gimme: An opponent lifts your ball meaning that you have the next shot taken for granted to hole out and added to your score for the hole without having to play it.

Dormie: A player or team is the same number of holes ahead as there are holes left to play. Any tied hole or won hole by them ensures they win the match.

Scoring: While on the course this is indicated by the leading team being up. Winning a hole no matter by how many shots only counts as one. The final score in a match will be indicated as either:

A & B (Where A is the number of shots ahead and B is the number of holes that did not need to be played)

1 or 2 shots (this only happens if the game gets to the last green (18th in Ryder Cup) obviously a single shot lead and winning the last hole is the only way to win by a score of 2 shots)

Halved (indicates that both teams have won an equal number of hole over the match in Ryder cup this adds ½ to the score of both teams)

Scoring is 1 point for a win or ½ for a tie.

I'm sure there are probably more, but these are the essentials, enjoy the weekend.

My Song of the Month: September 2010

Well another month has drawn to a close and it is time to pick the song that has best summed up the month past, or has been constantly on replay in my head or on whatever device I'm using.

The original version of this doesn't allow embedding. Boo! Hiss!!

However, it was played near the end of For the Bible Tells Me So and I got to listening to the lyrics again. The end result I think it sums up my September pretty well.