Suicide, the DUP and Me

Today I head that a friend, fellow LGBT+ activist and member of another political party has been suspended from a suicide prevention charity because of comments he posted linking suicide with the DUP. Just under a year ago a member of my close extended family committed suicide. Looking back at the draft I attempted to write at the time a number were trying to address that subject in a relevant way but they never really hit the mark or passed my standards for pressing publish. This time I hope this is different*.

I first considered taking my life in the 80s when I was 15/16 it was a grey day down by the docks as I contemplated jumping in the cold waters off the pier. It was during the period that the DUP were still attempting to safe Ulster from Sodomy. It was a phrase I had heard often, it was a phrase that even at that time I knew was directed at me although at the time I was attempted to fight who I was. 

I didn't jump as you can tell as I am here writing this but that was far from the last time I half felt depressed because of my sexuality.

I went to tertiary education in Kingston starting at the Polytechnic but graduating with a University degree in total I spent 10 years learning to be and to love me, but at the same time still fighting being me. I had grown in confidence, I had grown into an adult me, I was more in control of who I was and more able to defend what I stood for. Something that happened very early on in an Economics tutorial being able to defend a position that was opposite to that of the tutor.

It was in the five years I was back in Northern Ireland that I first really came out. However, this was also a time when I became anxious once again over who I was. My parents reaction was good, as was that of those I worked with and played bowls with. However, before too long I was over in Scotland and away from Northern Ireland for another 8 years. 

However, let me tell you what still knocks me most, makes me most depressed and on occasion leads me to fight suicidal thoughts. It is the times politicians or church people run me down for being gay. The language they use, the assumptions they make about how I live and the way they keep doing it. Now I am mostly able to stand my own when facing these debates. Like a good student I am well prepared with all the background reading I would need and more. I know the facts, I know the etymology of the verses that clergy will quote at me, sometimes better than they do.

However, there are times that continually doing so, or just having a tough time standing up for myself does lead to depression. I reckon it I weren't stronger I would not still be here. If I didn't have the support of many good friends both of faith and without I would be just another statistic. There are certainly some members of the DUP who may prefer that I was a statistic rather than a thorn in their side a constant reminder in their inbox for them to ignore. 

The thing is that the DUP in my experience tend to ignore when anyone raises LGBT+ issues with them. So I am please that they are meeting with the Equal Marriage campaigners here. However, while their representatives may block me out the same cannot be done for them or their supporters. I need to stay abreast of the news and current events and often we here the hateful comments about LGBT+ people on our TVs, Radios or Newspapers. It is something I wish I could avoid but at the same time know I have to respond to, stand up to and be heard. This is not just for me but for those who are the shy me that I was in my teens, the insecure me, the scared me and the suicidal me.

So while the DUP are ignoring reports that do show that LGBT+ people are more likely to have self-harm and suicidal intentions, someone who points out that they don't take action is suspended for doing so. I certainly feel more suicidal when I'm being called abnormal, an abomination or have a deviant lifestyle. This mostly comes as a direct result from Northern Irish politicians and Northern Irish Christians, when people accept me strangely I don't feel like that.

So is there a direct link between the institution homophobia for the DUP and self-harm and suicide?

Considering the party not only have never voted for any positive LGBT+ legislation but have petitioned of concerned every bill that has come before the NI Assembly. Their elected representatives are amongst the most vocal in belittling LGBT+ people with words whether in political chambers or debates on media. 

In my personal opinion there certainly is a constant straw attempting to break the camel's back. It has not yet got all the way through but on occasion it has been close. Whether from the DUP, religious leaders or ordinary members of the church I was born into all have at times come close to me committing suicide.

*Even after writing that at the start there are still parts of this I have not included in the above despite the length.

Purple Solidarity for LGBTQ Youth Bullied or Suicidal

READ: ****This event was not created by me. It was created by someone who cares deeply on Tumblr, and I am only spreading the word. (via Davey Wavey)****

It's been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes and at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that's exactly what we'd like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools. RIP Tyler Clementi, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase and Billy Lucas. You are loved.

Join this event and invite everyone on your friends list. Don't let their deaths be for nothing. Let it mean something, and let's do something to change this country for once.

If my recent blog posts haven't been enough to persuade you to join me wearing purple this Wednesday, here is Fort Worth councillor Joel Burns sharing part of his experience for the first time in the chamber.

It Gets Better - Teen Bullicide

The Liberal Democrat constitution says that "no-one shall be enslaved by ignorance". Therefore it was appalling to read this morning of the death of 12-year-old Holly Stuckey, a pupil of Maesteg Comprehensive School, Bridgend, South Wales.

She didn't know as much about sex education as some of her classmates. They had branded her a lesbian and bullied her. In September a few days into the new term Holly who was asthmatic came home out of breathe and died in her father's arms.

It was only later that he found tormented letters from her saying she 'felt like no-one'.

Her school did and does operate a zero tolerance policy on bullying bit for whatever reason, despite months of being bullied Holly didn't go to them, or her parents who only later found out the extent of the bullying.

My own parents did know I was getting bullied at school but it wasn't until Saturday, shortly before I wrote this, that I told my mother to what extent it had driven me. Let me just assure any young person who is getting bullied at school that it does get better. I know what you are going through. If you are getting bullied because of your sexuality it is because of the ignorance of the bullies not because of anything that you have done. There can be happiness for you in this world, there will be a lot for you to give.

Go to those you trust. your parents, a teacher, a close friend. Let them know you are being bullied, let them know how you feel.

But don't just take my word for it, listen to Darren Hayes




or Chris Colfer



or Davey Wavey



After watching Davey Wavey explore some more of his YouTube channel for other advise on living with your sexuality in a fun way that shows you how much better it can get.

It Gets Better! It really does, I want all of you if you're getting bullied to live to the day that you see that, and then live quite a bit more.

I'm Not a Statistic...But Came So Close

For the moment Tyler Clementi (18) is the most infamous teen suicide victim, but in time he will become a statistic. Just like Raymond Chase (19), Seth Walsh (13), Asher Brown (15), and Billy Lucas (13), five other young gay American teens who have taken their life in recent weeks however over time he may well turn into just another statistic.

They were all bullied at school. Now they were a mix of races, mix of locations, the one common denominator is that they were all gay and they had all in some way been bullied because of it. As a seventeen year old I too almost became one of those statistics for exactly the same reasons. I stood at the end of the breakwater in town on a particularly stormy day knowing if I took one further step I would be crushed by the breakers against the concrete before anyone could get near me, or indeed the RNLI Lifeboat could be launched from across the marina.

As an adult while out one night I actually was able as a confident out man to run into one of the people who had actually bullied me for being gay at school. Someone who had physically beaten me unless I ran, who hurled names at me. It was something I myself was in denial of at that time, unlike (from what I read) the five young men who are no longer with us.

But on that Saturday I went up to that former bully of me and said just three simple words, "You were right."

I got a stare back, then a "What?"


So I expanded, "You were right, I am gay, and it doesn't make me any less of a man."

There are those who have known me over the past 24 years. Those who have known what I have done, either for them personally or for a group of people they know or are involved with, who may actually say it makes me more of a man. There has been so much in the last 24 years that I have been able to give to others. Some of it sure is because of my sexuality, most of it is in spite or irrelevant to that aspect of my life.

Sadly the world is missing out on what Tyler, Raymond, Seth, Asher and Billy have got to offer in the years that should still be ahead of them. Sadly it is also missing out on some of the people I've known personally who are more that just a mere statistic. Some of whom did come to me for help along the way, some of whom couldn't handle it for whatever reason ended it. There are others that I know have thought about ending their own lives but haven't and are still with us, still having a lot to give.

Reading the details of some of these stories over recent weeks has brought a lot of memories back. Ones that make me want to curl up in a ball and shut the world out. But something the last 24 years has led me to do is be someone who speaks out.

Here is where Stonewall have it right we need to end homophobic bullying wherever it happens; schools, churches, workplaces, public transport, anywhere. However, it happens while there is not equality and without equality some will always see it as not-normal, sub-normal even. However, as my statement above said being me, being gay, hasn't made me any less of a man.

I've run at a high level, debated with confidence with politicians and leaders of parties, deal with senior bosses of a multi-national company prepared to say no if the answer actually is no. None of these things is dependent on my sexuality but on attributes or skills that are as intrinsic a part of me of who I fall in love with.

The skills of too many young gay men, or lesbian women are being lost to our world while others bully them to the point they cannot take it. Those of us they trust can only reach out so far and can't be there 24/7/365.

Something else that came out of last night's discussion was that when we were teenagers struggling with our sexuality there weren't gay role models, either on the national stage or who we knew personally. That is a lot easier now to find in Northern Ireland and I hope in parts of the USA, but it isn't always easy. However, comments from leaders in fields that young people look up to like the one made by 50 Cent whatever its intention do not make things easy. Other teens then feel it is alright to carry on with the gay bashing. The fact that in teen slang 'gay' means something is bad leads to extra pressure these days.

Or course heterosexual teens are bullied as well. Heterosexual teens also take their own lives. But the reasons for bullying them do not seem in some small way to be institutionalised by the difference in status, available status etc that is afforded to them over LGBT teens. Normalisation needs to happen through full equality.

Daniel Radcliffe to Record Ad for LGBT Youth Helpline

There were two things that struck me about Daniel Radcliffe's interview in Attitude magazine last year. The first was obviously that he'd said he would be voting Liberal Democrat in his first general election vote, the second was how tuned in and comfortable he was for such a young, straight star with LGBT issues.

Therefore it isn't really a surprise that Daniel is willing to record an ad for a LGBT youth helpline in the US. Speaking of the project on MTV Radcliffe said:

"The Trevor Project is the only [US] nationwide around-the-clock crisis- and suicide-prevention help line [of its kind]. [It's designed] for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. There will also soon be a 'Trevor' iPhone application."

Summing why he should tie himself to such a cause Daniel said, "You don't have to be gay to be a supporter — you just have to be human."Going on he said:

"Some are gay, some are straight — didn't make any difference to me. When I went to my secondary school, I heard terms like 'poof' and 'homo' getting thrown around. It never occurred to me that some people might have a problem with it."

It is liable to cause some shock that a prominent, young star is so willing to associate himself with a LGBT charity. But I think it is just the kick up the backside that some American's need. In this months Gay Times, American Idol runner up Adam Lambert told how unlike Danyl Johnson he refused to gender sensitive a lyric and hide his sexuality. Speaking of the song Fever by Lady Gaga on his new album For Your Entertainment in which he references a male love interest he says:

"She asked me, ' What shall we do about it?' and I answered 'I think I should say it.' 'So do I,' she said. It was funny because we realised a lot of radio stations out here probably won't play it because of that gender reference, literally because of that one line, they won't play the song.

"The bit that I think is really f***** up is that we as the entertainment community could help if it just said 'Deal with it people.' But instead it is so fearful tat people are going to object, boycott and complain that they cave in."

So well done to Daniel for not being afraid. I'm sure I'll soon see the American Family Association having another reason to complain about the last Harry Potter movies now, but I'm glad that the young Brits can show what it means to be human. Indeed living up to Matthew 25:35 'I was a stranger and you took me in' so much more that certain 'christian' groups seem to want to extend their charity to 'least of men', or rather of course not.