Lord Mandelson is Speaking in Parceltongue

Lord Mandelvort seems to be somewhat confused in what has actual happened since Wednesday/Thursday of this week. He says that the surge is because people are turning to 'the Lib Dems, whatever they might stand for'.Thing is that over the last few days they have seen that it is the Labservatives that are Dallying and are not clear about what it is that they believe in.

He then really does speak parceltongue that most confusing of languages to mere muggles in giving three reasons why people should vote.

For three reasons. Voters will be reluctant to embrace a party that would cut tax credits, scrap Child Trust Funds and even offer an amnesty for illegal immigrants.

Second, a hung parliament may seem attractive to some but it may give disproportionate power to a small party holding the balance of power and bring its own danger. Important legislation, for example on fighting terrorism which the Lib Dems are likely to oppose, would be difficult to get through.

And third, in these uncertain economic times, we need a strong, centred and united government – not one that might be rocked from side to side by Lib Dems chopping and changing their point of view.

Is Labour Control of Information to Blame?

This morning in the Independent we learnt that the the Youth Justice Board are not publishing their figures on youth crime as scheduled but in 6 months time. An official at the government agency has said that the reason for this is official "purdah" period. The former Civil Servant in me is screaming Gordon hasn't gone to the Palace yet he can't be suppressing reports under the election "purdah" period, that is unless the politico in me has missed the actually calling of the General Election (and I know that hasn't happened).

We also have Helen Goodman Labour MP for Bishop Auckland crying out:

"The police have talked to me about [mephedrone] and have really made the case for a legal ban on it.

She said it should for two reasons: "One is that it would send out a clear message to young people about how very dangerous it is.

"Secondly, it would mean that the police have more powers for dealing with it.

"The police have told me that there are people standing outside the primary school in one of the villages in my constituency trying to push that to people under the age of 12.

"We need to educate young people in the dangers and risks of taking drugs, but I also think we need to have a proper legal framework.

"Ideally, as well as looking at this one particular drug we'd have a new legal framework that would ensure you couldn't just go away, tweak it, and come back and sell something that's incredibly close."

On point one tobacco can be dangerous, alcohol can dangerous, indeed any alien item in the human body can be dangerous. Heck tasers can be dangerous, on people with minor heart conditions could be fatal.....oh hang on the police want to use them not ban them. I don't hear Labour MPs crying out for a complete ban on any of these to send out a clear message to young people, and the police, how very dangerous these are.

Also this is the same police force that have called out for ID cards, random stop and search, rights to detain for 90 days without charge, rights for fully exposing search at airports all of which, and more, have been pandered to by authoritarian Labour, without consideration of civil liberty considerations.

But then it all comes back to information, or more to the point Labour's control of information should I say. Just like we have a Youth Justice Board providing information to the Government about youth crime (even though the rest of us won't get that info for six months) how about a similar body for drug usage. Let's see let us call it the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs (ACMD), that'll work says exactly what is says on the tin. Lets appoint some experts in that field to that panel and let them look into things such as new drugs on the scene, just like methedrone. They could advise government based on scientific evidence just how dangerous the various drugs in our culture are.

Guess what? The ACMD does exist.

Guess what? The ACMD had a sub-committee looking into legal highs.

Guess what? Labour didn't like what the Chief expert Dr David Nutt had to say about cannabis in October so the Home Secretary sacked him.Other members of the panel also resigned.

As a result of losing the six experts Home Secretary Alan Johnson has said he would not pre-judge decisions on drug classification ahead of the committee issuing advice. However, we have Labour and Conservative members of the house now wishing to jump just such a gun before scientific opinions are made.

As Chris Huhne Liberal Democrat Shadow Home Secretary points out:

"If the Home Secretary hadn't meddled in the work of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs we would already have had their advice and the Government would be able to act.

"The failure to classify mephedrone is a direct consequence of the Government’s interference in the independent advice of its scientific advisers.

"If the Home Secretary hadn't meddled in the work of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs we would already have had their advice and the Government would be able to act."

So it is all very well Mandelson saying a review into mephedrone should be "speedily, carefully" carried out. Thing is that process was stalled by Labour own stubbornness to accept scientific fact. They'll happily accept scientific 'fact' when it suits them, weapons on mass destruction in Iraq springs readily to mind, but not when it goes against what they have already said.

Wow! That Didn't Take Long - The Dark Lord Speaketh

At 9:58 I blogged:

"However, just like that and the Digital Economy Bill I'm expected a knee-jerk, ill-conceived, poorly thought out Labour reaction any minute now."

The connection with the DE Bill was uncanny at 10:21 the BBC are reporting that Lord Voldemort of Foy and Hartlepool (aka the Business Minister) is saying the government would take "any action that is justified to deal with this" and that it will be examined "very speedily,very carefully". I'm sorry but as the Government are currently proving with Lord Voldemort's Digital Economy Bill speedily and carefully do not sit well side by side with this parliamen

Brown's Crumbliest Flakiest Answer

As the Government owns 84% of the Royal Bank of Scotland is the Government therefore 84% liable for the £12bn loan they have given Kraft to buy Cadbury's putting British jobs at risk.

That is the question (iPlayer Nick Starts at 17:54) that Nick Clegg the Lib Dem leader asked Gordon Brown at PMQ's today. Also why are they lending such amounts to American based multi-nationals when they still refuse to lend to British businesses trying to invest in British jobs and British products. The Prime Minister responded with the crumbliest, flakiest answer. An answer that did not taste like the question before.

Indeed he went off listing economic achievements of his Government rather than answering the specific charges of Nick's question. Brown's default position even though that looks more dodgy the more he quotes his economic achievements in response to economic disasters.

Vince Cable has made a follow up statement on this issue.

"Cadbury is a national institution which provides thousands of jobs in the UK and there is a real danger its takeover by Kraft will lead to job losses.

"It is particularly galling then that state-owned RBS should part fund this takeover when it is clearly not in the interests of the UK economy.

"This takeover also raises broader questions about how hedge funds, out to make a quick buck, can destabilise even the most established companies.

"We have seen Cadbury shares rapidly bought up by hedge funds that are keen to accept the Kraft takeover regardless of whether it is in the long-term interests of the company.

"As the City minister Lord Myners himself notes, it is becoming too easy for good British companies to be taken over by foreign predators."

So there you have it the Government has aided an abetted a predatorial take over of a British institution. Anyone who have ever tasted American chocolate will know we have far the superior product.

UPDATE: Now that Hansard has issued the 3 hour later official record here is the exchange. I've added a few comments in red.

Mr. Nick Clegg (Sheffield, Hallam) (LD):......

I should like to return to the issue of Cadbury’s. Last month, Lord Mandelson declared that the Government would mount a huge opposition to the Kraft takeover of Cadbury’s, so why does the Royal Bank of Scotland, which is owned by this Government, now want to lend vast amounts of our money to Kraft to fund that takeover?

The Prime Minister: If the right hon. Gentleman is really suggesting that the Government can step in and avoid any takeover that is taking place in this country overnight (Actually I think Lord Mandelson suggested it when he said "If you think you can come here and make a fast buck [you] will find that you face huge opposition from the local population... and the British Government"), and then tell a bank that it has got to deprive a particular company of money by Government dictate (Again Mandelson "We expect long-term commitment, not short-term profit, to rule."), his liberal principles seem to have gone to the wall.

Mr. Clegg: I thank the Prime Minister for the little economics lecture, but there is a simple principle at stake. Tens of thousands of British companies are crying out for that money to protect jobs, and instead RBS wants to lend it to a multinational with a record of cutting jobs. When British taxpayers bailed out the banks, they would never have believed that their money would be used to put British people out of work. Is that not just plain wrong?

The Prime Minister: Putting the words “liberal” and “principle” together seems very difficult now—[Interruption.] I have to tell the right hon. Gentleman that no Government are doing more to try to protect and increase jobs than this country’s (actually quite a number are doing better). Unemployment is falling today (except in Scotland where is it up 9,000) as a result of the actions we have taken (This time I'm quoting Jim Murphy who isn't so certain "After previous recessions the jobs market has taken longer to bounce back than the economy, and we know that we are still in very uncertain times."). If we had taken the advice of the Liberal (I assume he means to insert Democrat here) party (the Banks wouldn't have been given the free reign they had and income tax and capital gains would be in parity), unemployment would be a great deal higher than it is now (I dispute this as around here many jobs were lost when the banks no longer where willing to lend). He has nothing to offer the debate on the economy at all—[Interruption.]

A bit of a visual update:

Hat tip to Subrosa Video from Ollie at the Red Rag

Night of the Long Songs

Which of the songsters will be the undoing of Brown. Rumours that a big hitter in the cabinet is close to resigning in a move to destabilise the Prime Minister.

Will it be:

• Barry Mannilow's Mandy
• Doris Day Move Over (for) Darling
• The Rolling Stones Jumping Jack Straw

It comes after Lord Mandelson told the London Evening Standard:

"We are not a sectarian party. We are not a heartlands-only party."

This was in response to schools secretary Ed Balls suggesting a targeting strategy in Labour heartlands. Mandelson went on to reject such an idea saying:

"We are not going to win the election on that basis."

It really would appear that the noble Lord's word after the 2001 election that he is a fighter not a quitter still ring true. It appears that the former spin doctor is out to win. As the kingmaker behind Blair it is possible that he may have someone else in mind to take the important role centre stage.

Watch this space.

Fisking the Car Scrappage Extension

Cars and vans like all consumer products have built in obsolescence, in other words there is a time frame at which they are expected to run down. I don't know about many of the rest of you but I have successfully driven, looked after and nurtured cars that are over 10 years old.

The fact that Peter Mandelson announced government plans to extend the car scrappage scheme to an additional 100,000 cars and vans, may be good news to the car manufacturers, but not to environmentalists or young, poor, first-time motorists. The thing is seen as a greening up of the economy, but cars at 10 years old are only slightly more polluting than new vehicles, and the carbon cost of scrapping them offsets any advantage of taking them off the road.

The shortage of second hand cars as a result of the initial scheme has pushed second hand car prices up due to the scarcity of the remaining cars of a certain age. Its simple supply/demand economics. What the car scrappage scheme is doing is in essence pricing the lowest paid out of car ownership. They cannot afford to pay the price of a new car even with the scrappage payment and cannot afford the inflated price for the second hand market.

As for the environment by placing an arbitrary lifespan on vehicles of 10 years (and the motor industry actually wanted this lowered) the government is going contrary to the British culture of make do and mend. Young men who used to buy older cars to do them up, keep them running are no longer able to do so. Are finding newer cars which need less maintenance are all that is available.

So the only net gainers are the manufacturers and retailers of cars. The Government is paying out with our money, yet we and the environment are suffering. Of course Lord Mandelvort of Hartlepool and Foy's reputation is enhanced as a result, do his dark arts know no bounds.

One Foot in Brown's Grave

The lastest Ipsos Mori puts Labour in 3rd place in an opinion poll for the first time since Michael Foot was leader in 1982. With the Tories on 36% down 7% on last month, the Liberal Democrats on 25% up 8% and Labour on 24% down 2%.

Of course the media are going to put this down to a Lib Dem conference bounce, but don't forget this is the same media that said that the Lib Dem conference was a disaster for the leadership only last week. Maybe it is a conference bounce and if it is it shows that the people can see past the media spin and realise that the Lib Dems listen to people whether the party members for forming policy or as Katy Gordon proved the people (women) on the street.

Rumours tonight are also circulating that Gordon Brown is going to announce at last that he is prepared to take part in Prime Ministerial debates ahead of the next general election. However, there are also hints that he is seeking to exclude Nick Clegg from some of the series of debates he proposes. Here in lies a fault there are currently just 8% points between the three main parties in this latest opinion poll. Not as close as in 1982 when it was wafer thin between the three. Then the other two parties tried to exclude the Alliance to hinder the birth of three party politics, now 25 years on Labour are trying to do the same again from an even weaker position.

The only bright spot of the Labour conference so far it seem was Lord Mandlevort of Hartlepool and Foy's speech this afternoon. From what I saw yesterday it look like a wake. They truly are a party on the downward slide. Now the Prime Minister is worse off than they were in there darkest hour in opposition. Not only is he in third place but has less than a quarter of the support of those polled. He truly does have one (Michael) Foot in the Grave. Things can only get worse, one expects.

However, the hegmony of our current electoral system is once again shown when the opinion poll is put into Electoral Calculus. On this opinion poll the Tories would have 327 seats, Labour on 209 and the Lib Dems with 82. So even having overhauled a sick Labour Party in the opinion polls the Lib Dems would still have less than half the seats. How the apologists for First Past the Post can call this a clear, simple, easy-to-understand outcome is beyond me. Even when they are in third place Labour would still maintain a strong second place in the number of seats. Just how safe are some of those that wear a red rosette?

The answer sadly is that leaving the Tories as they are on 36% even if the Lib Dems reach 30% and Labour sink to 19% they will still have more seats than the second most popular Lib Dems. The split is 341, 141, 135. Surely that cannot be right?

Master of the House?

I'd just like to draw your attention to this brilliant casting of 'One More Day' from Les Miserables by Political Dissuasion.

Footnote: I would have tagged more of the cast list but Blogger wouldn't let me, look for yourself.

Equality and Maternity Leave - Victims of Recession

Plans announced the the Queen's speech to enhance maternity leave and toughen equality legislation are the latest victims of the recession if Lord Voldemort of Hartlepool and Foy has his way. The Business Minister sees these enhancements to the workplace as anti-business and therefore as part of the confidential memo calling on Minister to:

"advise on a moratorium on legislation and legislative announcements made but not yet implemented that will entail additional costs for businesses".

these measures have come under the Mandelson axe. However, these policies have been championed by Harriet Harman, the deputy Labour leader, who has rallied for a harder line against those who blame the recession to victimise those covered by such legislation longer.

However, it shows a rift in the cabinet and Labour party over just how to deal with the downturn in the economy. Jon Cruddas said:

"If the most progressive of our policies are the first to go under the hatchet, that will cause deep unease across the party. Genuflecting to the free market got us into this mess and the solution is not more of the same. There is now a deepening ideological divide about what to do next."

So the ideological battle between traditional and new Labour may also be raising its head in the midst of this crisis. At a time when the polls are not favourable to Labour inner party struggles may also been seen as a means to move on. However, there is a task at hand and it seems that there are two roads diverging in the Westminster village. It all depends which is the road Labour will travel by.

Is @lordmandelson a Twitterphobe?

No sooner had the Lord Voldermort of Hartlepool and Foy appear on Twitter according to that first Tweet on Monday "Looking forward to listening and providing updates on my department's support for business through tough times." Than he is running away to hide.

Surely the Dark Lord of Spin can't be more of a technophobe that John "Prezza" Prescott. Who'd have thunk it?

Or is he about to resign yet another cabinet post?

Command and Control

So LabourList launched yesterday with Lord Mandelson declaring that in "new media command and control doesn't work" the article may well have been written by his second life avatar who appears along with the piece. However, I read in today's Times diary column that within hours of the launch yesterday there was a tightening of the comments moderation.

Well if you're going for a high profile media launch of a site supporting an unpopular government you are going to have to expect a few abusive comments at the off. It would have been better to launch with tighter moderation at the start and then loosen as the novelty of the first day at school wore off. Especially when your star piece on day one is all about how with Web 2.0 the narrative is somewhat lost through the old channels and control is harder to achieve even for the master of spin.

It brings me on to the issue of that MacNumpty, Jeff and Adopted Domain all broached in the last couple of days. Is there a need for some sort of bloggers association to protect ourselves. Can this rag tag crew of individuals ever truly be brought together under one umbrella. As pointed out my MacNumpty the Scottish Round Up shows that we can work together.



I'm always impressed at how the editors of any week will post stuff they do not necessarily agree with, unlike Mr Dale Tory Vers 1.0 who over the weekend on his Saturday and Sunday Daley Dozens failed to acknowledge even one piece that covered the pro-Gaza rally but happily covered the pro-Israel march on Sunday. Indeed he bemoaned falsely, until I pointed out to him, that there was any coverage at all. Whereas the Scottish Round Up gave coverage to the march in Edinburgh as well as the reluctance of others over the importance of such demonstration of cause.



But just because the Round Up works here north of the border through people across the political spectrum working together in respect does that that mean a Union, Guild or Federation of bloggers need to be established to protect ourselves? This may shock a few of you but I'm a staunch trade unionist, although my current place of work prohibits the formation of any (oh the joy! of being in an American owned business). But I don't think unionisation of the blogosphere is going to work. We're too diverse. Too individualistic. Besides if we were to set up a slosh fund, who would manage it and how would we control hop it was used? Say we had the Private Eye of blogging in our midst that was constantly running to the Court of Session with another libel action would that be fair on the average blogger who is wary of their sources before hitting the publish button?

I know that in the past I've had a couple of gems and sought to authenticate that story before publication. I've also been known to jump on the bandwagon of some story that hits the MSM and then turn out to be a misrepresentation. Sure there will be times when bloggers get it wrong, but if the litigious nature of the word becomes so much that we have to verify every story from three sources before hitting publish we may as well shut up shop now. Every political blogger longs to have that scoop. Many of the Scottish Blogosphere through the nature of their work, contacts or activist roles must have so much stuff they could publish but we don't. We're wise enough to know, by in large, what needs to be out there and what is wise to put out there.

Facebook for Gaza

Dear reader if you are also a Facebook user may I direct you to two groups.

The first is that like Zimbabwe foreign journalists are being banned from the Gaza strip. A very dear friend of mine has a friend who is currently on a year out teaching in Palestine. With the media blackout and all that is going on even the Westerners, and yes there are some, who are in Palestine are being cut off. Unlike Zimbabwe from what we can gather the Palestinians want to allow foreign press in to see the other side of the story. One wonders why that is it is because the Egyptian border is permanently sealed and Israel control the only border crossings into Gaza.

Therefore please join the group calling to end the ban on international journalists reporting from Gaza.

The second I know may not bode well with all my readers. But whether you view Israel as the aggressor or the persecuted I trust that any sane individuals will agree that neither one, two or three wrongs make a right. The casualties in this conflict are heavily on the Palestinian side. With no escape route they men, women, the frail and call have to remain close to potential death or injury at all times. The USA, UK and Europe are being slow to cast blame at anyone treading too carefully. However, in the UK one political leader,Nick Clegg, has spoken out calling the west to stop arming Israel.

There is a lot of bad blood flying around the Blogosphere of late over this conflict. Neither the approach of my fellow Lib Dem Irfan Ahmed or Iain Dale the Tory Blogfather are doing the real victims any good. By carrying on a flame war and using deliberately inflammatory language about each other on the Internet they are deflecting from the issues at hand. Both are being subjective rather than objective as in unbefitting them trying to get a salient point across.

Brown "Entirely Unfit...to Hold High Office": Smith

One of the problems with Jacqui Smith protesting innocence and the high ground quite so much about the whole Damian Green scenario is her choice of words. Take this example:

'Ms Smith added that for Mr Grieve and Mr Cameron to assert that the systematic leaking of government material was not serious as it did not relate to national security was "wholly irresponsible and entirely unfit for those who seek to hold high office". '

Where does one start? Systematic leaking of government material by an opposition MP, not taken as serious as it did not "always" relate to matters of national security but as part of their duties. Perhaps as Jacqui Smith points out these matters should be taken seriously and the Met should be checking into these leaks listed by Daniel Finklestein, especially as the one in July 1991 from the Defence Department. As this individual not only sought high office but has actually attained the highest one. As the last of Finklestein's quotes from the start of the current Labour regime puts it:

"None of us has the first sodding idea about what government means, whether any of us will be any good at it, or even what being good at it means....... Some of my colleagues have made a career out of being a conduit for leaks from the Civil Service to the press. That's hardly going to be much good in government."

So Jacqui, it seems actually to have been highly appropriate practice for those seeking to hold high office just over 11 years ago. Indeed more or less a career step for some to reach the highest office in the land or ennoblement via the European Commission.

Taxes: What Goes Down Will Go Up

In quite the reverse to those magnificent men in their flying machines, that self proclaimed custodian of the world's economic future Gordon Brown has said that while taxes will be cut next week expect them to rise again after. David Cameron in response did come out with the rather good line:

"Tax cuts should be for life, not just for Christmas."

For it does seem that despite calls from the Lib Dems to make the tax cuts permanent and real to the lower paid through restructuring the system making it fairer and closing loopholes for the wealthy, this is a short-term cash bribe. It may well be the sort of cash bribe that previous chancellors have sought to offer just before a general election, whether real or phantom. Indeed while welcoming the tax cut Nick Clegg the Liberal Democrat leader added:

"The right thing to borrow for is not short-term cash bribes but long-term
capital investment in infrastructure the country needs anyway."

Worryingly the Tory's Shadow Business Secretary Alan Duncan said of the twinkled toed wannabe he is shadowing:

"He [Peter Mandelson] has fessed up to what Gordon Brown is not
prepared to admit, that unfunded tax cons now will leave taxpayers with a
cripplingly expensive bill later."

So not just will the tax cut be short-lived we'll be faced with even bigger bills to come. Thank you Gordon for encumbering us with increasing debt, and the bill for it, rather than looking at a sustainable and realistic restructuring of the debt and payment methods.

Strictly Come Mandy

It appears that Lord Voldemort of Hartlepool and Foy is dying to get on his dancing shoes on a Saturday night.

Yes not content with being the Spectator's poitical 'newcomer' of the year the Labour peer is jealous of John Sergeant for being able to appear on Strictly Come Dancing every saturday night. While the economy may be the burning issue for most people, the Business minister while on BBC Breakfast was asked about the political correspondents appearances on the show and said:

"I was cheering for John Sergeant on Saturday with, I have to say, a degree
of... envy."

He went on to respond to a follow up would he compete in the show if asked he said, "It would be nice to be asked." Now if anyone should be capable of spinning the public vote in their favour more than John Sergeant has done so far this season it may well be Tony Blair's former spin doctor. Although if he really is as good a dancer as he boasts he may not need to rely on public support as much as John has had to in recent weeks.

If You Do Gordon You Owe Me a Pair of Shoes...

...and a few matches from my season (that's just for starters).

It has come to the attention of several Lib Dem Bloggers that there is speculation in the Evening Standard that Gordon Brown may be going to use his boost from Economic crisis to go again with the snap general election. This could turn the Glenrothes date from a by election into a General Election and send us all scurrying back to our own seats.

"Feverish speculation is sweeping Westminster that the PM could well go to the country to seek a mandate in the midst of the current financial turmoil. This could be an option if the PM is worried that we won't have recovered from the impending recession by 2010, the latest date on which he can go to the country.

"Some say the PM is being urged to call an election now by none other than his new comrade-in-arms Peter Mandelson. A general election traditionally takes place 17 days after it is formally announced so if the PM wanted it to coincide with the Glenrothes by-election on 6 November, then next Tuesday would be the moment."

Oh dear it would be the hand of Lord Voldemort of Foy and Hartlepool behind this. However, how does this tie up with Brown's own statement yesterday that he will join the by election fight in Glenrothes and encouraging his MPs and Peers to do likewise.

Surely using this crisis to call an immediate general election will reek of opportunism and the country may well see through it. Plus the markets will be looking for stability at this time as a sudden change could cause another sort of catastrophe. If he does decide to go to the country it would more likely be in the spring after a little stability may have been witnessed and he hopes people will see if he can handle things.

BTW the shoes are the pair that lost their tongue on me on Sunday and the football matches I'll take hopefully as SPL replacements for the same time next season when I was expecting to not be getting to every game in the lead up to a General Election.

Lord Voldemort of Foy and Hartlepool

I see that further to my previous posting as well as Hartlepool the Lord Voldemort has taken the Barony of Foy as well as he stood clad in ermine yesterday. But just where is Foy in the county of Herefordshire and what is the new Baron's connection to it?


View Larger Map

You can try looking for it on Google maps but will find it just acrross the River Wye from Hole in the Wall, maybe this is the Lord's new source of money for property purchases. He owns or owned a cottage there apparently as you can see it is right next to Old Gore another politician who was destined to remain in the shadows and never assume the highest office. However, as it is within a large meander in the River it would be easily defendable by land, should he even need to.

However, it seems rather a sleepy place, well away from the preying eyes of muggles. No doubt somewhere that he could recuperate, regain his strength ready for another onslaught on the innocent.

Lord Voldemort of Hartlepool

The Muggle Prime Minister sat at his cabinet table unaware that he was under an Imperius Curse. Before him was an almost blank sheet of paper with the positions of his cabinet. Next to the title Business Secretary he'd already scrawled in his own blood the name of Lord Voldemort of Hartlepool.

The Dark Lord had been an ally to the Muggle Prime Minster's predecessor but he had for years stood up to the dark arts as practised by the Dark Lord before his seemingly expulsion to continental Europe. Indeed when he'd been appointed to the highest position in the muggle Government he'd declared that the darks arts of the Dark Lord and his media accomplish Rita Campbell would no longer have a place in his cabinet.

The Minister for Magic had been happy that the Muggle PM had listened to him about banishing the dark arts. He was sitting in his office when the morning owl delivered his copy of the the Daily Prophet. The muggle's Daily Profit had recently ceased to exist but he couldn't believe the picture he saw on the front page. There was the Dark Lord in a red v-necked sweater, blue tie with white polka dots, and grey suit was Lord Voldemort himself, about to be given a muggle peerage and his third chance to work within the cabinet.

The Minister heard a noise from his fire place. He turned just in time to see the new Secretary for Business emerge.

"Ah Kingsley," said the Secretary, "I see you have read of my latest appointment to the cabinet. I trust you weren't about to inform the Muggle Prime Minister of who I really am."

The Minister reached for his wand. But just as his hand touched it the Secretary uttered an Expelliarmus charm and it flung across the room.

"Dear Kingsley, have you forgotten the fate of poor Pius Thicknesse, or that of Rufus Scrimgeour. Either you can work for me, or." The Dark Lord left the threat hanging Kingsley Shacklebolt knew the fate of both his predecessors and the role the man standing across his desk now had had in their fates, after all he'd been a senior Auror fighting against Lord Voldemort with his colleagues in the Order of the Phoenix.

"Lord Vold..," he started.

"Please call me Peter," said the Dark Lord, "I quite like my muggle indentity. I've even got that Scottish muggle in charge of the Government to come to my way of thinking. He was more resistant that Tony was. But now I have been handed a position of trust in these dark times, it'll soon all be mine.

...to be continued

Tales of the Mandy-Spected I

o Peter Mandelson is back in the cabinet. I well remember his first few days as Northern Ireland Secretary very well.

Why because he made me repeat work I'd already carried out. The reason being that in his first day briefing he saw the event that the branch I worked in at the Department of Enterprise Trade and Investment were holding on the Thursday Friday* morning to launch a new BT call centre in Londonderry. He saw this as a good event to follow up a walkabout in Belfast with. So our team had to call back all the local businessmen, or their secretaries who had already been tentative or said no to up the level of guest that was coming to the event from VIP to VVIP. Oh yeah many of them knew exactly what that meant. So in a week that I've been working flat out, this time not for Mandy, but in a call centre (oh the irony), he has returned to the Cabinet.

To complete the picture I'll be off to Markinch tomorrow remembering a previous by election in Hartlepool.

*Hey come on not bad from memory on a Friday lunchtime.