It has been a tough few days for me at the end of the week. When the UK Supreme Court ruling was made, on International Day for Mental Health Awareness of all days, it was tough mentally to go along with the tough time I've been having physically returning to work after a long time off with sciatica.
It wasn't so much the fact that this time the opinion went in the favour of the McArthur family who run Ashers it was the comments, "celebrations", attack on the Equality Commission and everything else. What was worse is that many of the arguments were being retrod from the 5th or even 6th time since the event.
Now with a court decision in their favour those opposed to LGBT+ equality or even recognition and dignity for LGBT+ people were speaking as if nothing was ever wrong.
The same arguments that Ashers shop on the main shopping street of Belfast had been targeted, when it was merely convenient. That the appellant was only out for money, he wasn't indeed he was shocked to be awarded £500 in the original case, he only wanted the law to be clarified. That somehow promoting LGBT+ Equality is equated with messages of outright hate and should all be lumped up together is one of the hardest hitting.
You see many of us in Northern Ireland have been facing arguments that we are attacking religious freedom, despite many of us coming from a position of faith ourselves. Indeed Marriage Equality legislation and policy formation has consistently recognised that not all faith groups have the same opinion. Indeed we have always ensured that faith groups need freedom under Equal Marriage legislation to take their own positions, nothing should be imposed on them. However, certain faith groups don't envision this and even want to overstep into the civil marriage sphere over which they should have no control.
So when you see LGBT+ people in Northern Ireland showing despair with the interventions of Peter Tatchell it is because his comments gave powder to the Theocrats in Northern Ireland. Sadly although Northern Ireland poses as a democracy, despite the largest party being called the Democratic Unionist Party what we face and they are, are actually Theocrats. God's law by their narrow interpretation has to have authority over everyone else.
Not all Christian politicians take this view Alliance leader Naomi Long and her predecessor David Ford are two prime examples who face attacks from Christians and criticism from LGBT+ people in equal measure. They are an example along with other that having a faith doesn't mean attacking LGBT+ people and that faith and being LGBT+ are not exclusive sets, there is a subset of both.
So faith groups, publications and individuals rejoicing this week has a hard impact on those of us from the LGBT+ community, whether of faith or not, who try to accommodate them.
A bit late in the week but I wasn't in a good place to wish everyone good mental health earlier in the week, But stay strong people others are always there for you to turn to and you know who they are even in your darkest times.
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Saturday, 13 October 2018
Thursday, 5 February 2015
Staring down the abyss #timetotalk
Most people who see me have only really seen the cheerful, jokey, confident, go getter. Very few have witnessed the other side.
There have been times in my life I have literally been staring into an abyss of despair, despondency and darkness. Certain friends are aware of the triggers that lead me towards depression and others are good at picking up the early symptoms. Some are fellow sufferers others are just people who I allow in, they are the inner circle and thanks to their small but elite number I probably can be thankful that I am still around today.
The first time I stared into the abyss I was a teenager who was just coming to terms with his sexuality as a gay Christian in Northern Ireland still echoing with the calls of "Save Ulster from Sodomy." I took myself to the end of the pier in town on a very windy day and stared and stared into the depth and contemplated jumping in for over an hour, thinking of ending it all. Somehow I eventually stepped away from the edge, I still am not sure how or why I did step back on that occasion.
Another time many years later I ran my self a bath, took my chef's knife out of the draw in the kitchen and sent one text. I'd chosen the recipient of my text wisely as I was called by immediately and kept on the phone long enough for that friend to get to my door and then to just hold me and let me talk and talk and talk. We saw the sun go down and come up again while they listened to what I had to say.
Another time I curled up into a little ball and couldn't face the world for four or five days.
These are episodes that visit me infrequently. But when they visit I do not know if I'll see them through. When Robin Williams' death was reported last night I could fully appreciate what he must have gone through, even before it was confirmed as a suicide I thought maybe he is just like me.
So yes if you have only ever seen me as cheerful, in control and confident you only know a part of me, and I don't mean that to cause offence. As I said there are very few who have really seen the other side of me. But if that is the only way you have seen me that doesn't always mean that I am fine. I've known in the past that I have been playing the role of the "normal" me while planning another visit to stare into that abyss and maybe how to step into it.
There have been times in my life I have literally been staring into an abyss of despair, despondency and darkness. Certain friends are aware of the triggers that lead me towards depression and others are good at picking up the early symptoms. Some are fellow sufferers others are just people who I allow in, they are the inner circle and thanks to their small but elite number I probably can be thankful that I am still around today.
The first time I stared into the abyss I was a teenager who was just coming to terms with his sexuality as a gay Christian in Northern Ireland still echoing with the calls of "Save Ulster from Sodomy." I took myself to the end of the pier in town on a very windy day and stared and stared into the depth and contemplated jumping in for over an hour, thinking of ending it all. Somehow I eventually stepped away from the edge, I still am not sure how or why I did step back on that occasion.
Another time many years later I ran my self a bath, took my chef's knife out of the draw in the kitchen and sent one text. I'd chosen the recipient of my text wisely as I was called by immediately and kept on the phone long enough for that friend to get to my door and then to just hold me and let me talk and talk and talk. We saw the sun go down and come up again while they listened to what I had to say.
Another time I curled up into a little ball and couldn't face the world for four or five days.
These are episodes that visit me infrequently. But when they visit I do not know if I'll see them through. When Robin Williams' death was reported last night I could fully appreciate what he must have gone through, even before it was confirmed as a suicide I thought maybe he is just like me.
So yes if you have only ever seen me as cheerful, in control and confident you only know a part of me, and I don't mean that to cause offence. As I said there are very few who have really seen the other side of me. But if that is the only way you have seen me that doesn't always mean that I am fine. I've known in the past that I have been playing the role of the "normal" me while planning another visit to stare into that abyss and maybe how to step into it.
Tuesday, 12 November 2013
What is Edwin saying? part 456
Today in Stormont the Health Minister was taking questions, this one came from the Alliance's Trevor Lunn MLA for Lagan Valley.
Mr Lunn asked the Minister of Health, Social Services and Public Safety, given his responsibilities, whether he still holds the view, expressed by him and by members of his party, that homosexuality is an illness treatable by medical or psychiatric means.
Mr Poots: I do not think that I ever said that.
Maybe his comments back in 2005 that is was unnatural in the first instance and abominable in the second instance are the comment that sprung to mind.
Mr Lunn: I will try to find the reference for him. I will ask the same question again: does he think that homosexuality is an illness treatable by medical or psychiatric means or does he think that, as has been expressed by another Member of his party, it is an abomination? (Editor: Actually Trevor was being polite here as the minister himself said it while he was only a councillor)
Mr Poots: I do not think that it is an illness, in the first instance. (Editor: Just immoral and an abomination, eh?) I think that many people have various elements to their lives. When it comes to sexuality, many people who are heterosexual desire lots of other folks, and those of us who are married should not be doing that, so people can resist urges. I encourage people to take a sensible, rational view on these issues. I know that there have been a number of challenges about me and the various stances that I take. I will make it very clear that my stance on blood safety is purely about safety.
When it comes to my stance on adoption, I have just come from a midwifery-led unit in Lagan Valley, and all the people who were giving birth in that unit were women, and all those women were not impregnated by other women. So, whether one believes in God or in evolution, the natural order is for a man and a woman to have a child. (Editor: Can he be sure that non of them were the result of IVF therapy or that some of them weren't in a same-sex relationship to raise the child?) Therefore, that has made my views on adoption and raising children very clear; it should be a man and a woman who raise a child. People can criticise me for that, and they can challenge me for that and say that it is backward. The truth is that still today, in this modern era, it is only a man and a woman who can produce a child. Therefore, it is in the best order for a man and a woman to raise a child.
Now the sentence:
Is it saying that homosexuals should resist their urges? Is he saying that all married heterosexuals are faithful? Is he saying that all homosexuals are promiscuous? What is also interesting that when being asked about the medical or psychiatric state of homosexual, Poots immediately transposes that into adoption. That is almost as if he is subliminally linking the two.
There is a lot of stuff that is left unsaid. There is also a lot in there that is not actually an accurate reflection of the heterosexual community which clearly Mr Poots has more personal experience of. This therefore casts doubt on his ability to understand fully another section which he claims to not have interaction with and is solely relying what he reads or hears about that community.
The other thing is his 100% assertion that all the women in the Lagan Valley hospital were not impregnated by a woman. If they were giving birth as a result of IVF it is possible that a woman may have introduced the sperm to the egg and implanted the fertilised egg into the womb. This is a scientific possibility these days. I have no doubt that all the people giving birth in that unit were women. However, I would suggest that not every woman in that maternity unit every day will be rising that child with the child's sperm provider.
Indeed I reckon that if Edwin Poots looks through his own family history he will discover that not everyone in it was consistently raised by a man and a woman. There will have been times that the mother died in childbirth and the father raised the children, or maybe the father died before the child was born and maybe the child was raised by its widowed mother and her widowed mother. This is what is perfectly natural and has happened throughout history.
What is in the best order for a child however, is that is it raised in a loving family from as early a stage as possible. The longer a child remains in the care system the more it will suffer academically and developmentally. By delaying dealing with the promised children and adoption bill because of his fight over allowing unmarried and same sex couples to adopt he is hurting those children. Northern Ireland is proportionately slower at placing children the UK average is 69% within 12 months but only 55% in Northern Ireland.
That figures needs to come down, the 4% of adoptions that take place with same-sex couples in the rest of the UK may not be matched here in Northern Ireland, but when you add in unmarried couples adopting together that figure probably would be surpassed and make inroads into the suitable homes for placements.
I will however return to the fact that Mr Poots immediately turned this question and the supplementary into a answer about adoption. As I said above he almost makes a subliminal link between the two. It is almost as if the reason he will not allow same-sex couples to adopt IS because he thinks homosexuality is an illness treatable by medical or psychiatric means and therefore until treated those individuals should not be allowed to adopt.
To therefore start with a first instance of "I do not think that it is an illness" before going on to blood and adoption something that was not asked in this instance is a case of the Minister answering what he thought he was being asked not what he actually was. By carrying on he has actually accentuated his own prejudices, his own lack of understanding of what is going on in heterosexual relationships and in birthing methods. All of which come under his remit.
Mr Lunn asked the Minister of Health, Social Services and Public Safety, given his responsibilities, whether he still holds the view, expressed by him and by members of his party, that homosexuality is an illness treatable by medical or psychiatric means.
Mr Poots: I do not think that I ever said that.
Maybe his comments back in 2005 that is was unnatural in the first instance and abominable in the second instance are the comment that sprung to mind.
Mr Lunn: I will try to find the reference for him. I will ask the same question again: does he think that homosexuality is an illness treatable by medical or psychiatric means or does he think that, as has been expressed by another Member of his party, it is an abomination? (Editor: Actually Trevor was being polite here as the minister himself said it while he was only a councillor)
Mr Poots: I do not think that it is an illness, in the first instance. (Editor: Just immoral and an abomination, eh?) I think that many people have various elements to their lives. When it comes to sexuality, many people who are heterosexual desire lots of other folks, and those of us who are married should not be doing that, so people can resist urges. I encourage people to take a sensible, rational view on these issues. I know that there have been a number of challenges about me and the various stances that I take. I will make it very clear that my stance on blood safety is purely about safety.
When it comes to my stance on adoption, I have just come from a midwifery-led unit in Lagan Valley, and all the people who were giving birth in that unit were women, and all those women were not impregnated by other women. So, whether one believes in God or in evolution, the natural order is for a man and a woman to have a child. (Editor: Can he be sure that non of them were the result of IVF therapy or that some of them weren't in a same-sex relationship to raise the child?) Therefore, that has made my views on adoption and raising children very clear; it should be a man and a woman who raise a child. People can criticise me for that, and they can challenge me for that and say that it is backward. The truth is that still today, in this modern era, it is only a man and a woman who can produce a child. Therefore, it is in the best order for a man and a woman to raise a child.
Now the sentence:
"When it comes to sexuality, many people who are heterosexual desire lots of other folks, and those of us who are married should not be doing that, so people can resist urges."throws up a number of interesting questions as to what does the minister mean.
Is it saying that homosexuals should resist their urges? Is he saying that all married heterosexuals are faithful? Is he saying that all homosexuals are promiscuous? What is also interesting that when being asked about the medical or psychiatric state of homosexual, Poots immediately transposes that into adoption. That is almost as if he is subliminally linking the two.
There is a lot of stuff that is left unsaid. There is also a lot in there that is not actually an accurate reflection of the heterosexual community which clearly Mr Poots has more personal experience of. This therefore casts doubt on his ability to understand fully another section which he claims to not have interaction with and is solely relying what he reads or hears about that community.
The other thing is his 100% assertion that all the women in the Lagan Valley hospital were not impregnated by a woman. If they were giving birth as a result of IVF it is possible that a woman may have introduced the sperm to the egg and implanted the fertilised egg into the womb. This is a scientific possibility these days. I have no doubt that all the people giving birth in that unit were women. However, I would suggest that not every woman in that maternity unit every day will be rising that child with the child's sperm provider.
Indeed I reckon that if Edwin Poots looks through his own family history he will discover that not everyone in it was consistently raised by a man and a woman. There will have been times that the mother died in childbirth and the father raised the children, or maybe the father died before the child was born and maybe the child was raised by its widowed mother and her widowed mother. This is what is perfectly natural and has happened throughout history.
What is in the best order for a child however, is that is it raised in a loving family from as early a stage as possible. The longer a child remains in the care system the more it will suffer academically and developmentally. By delaying dealing with the promised children and adoption bill because of his fight over allowing unmarried and same sex couples to adopt he is hurting those children. Northern Ireland is proportionately slower at placing children the UK average is 69% within 12 months but only 55% in Northern Ireland.
That figures needs to come down, the 4% of adoptions that take place with same-sex couples in the rest of the UK may not be matched here in Northern Ireland, but when you add in unmarried couples adopting together that figure probably would be surpassed and make inroads into the suitable homes for placements.
I will however return to the fact that Mr Poots immediately turned this question and the supplementary into a answer about adoption. As I said above he almost makes a subliminal link between the two. It is almost as if the reason he will not allow same-sex couples to adopt IS because he thinks homosexuality is an illness treatable by medical or psychiatric means and therefore until treated those individuals should not be allowed to adopt.
To therefore start with a first instance of "I do not think that it is an illness" before going on to blood and adoption something that was not asked in this instance is a case of the Minister answering what he thought he was being asked not what he actually was. By carrying on he has actually accentuated his own prejudices, his own lack of understanding of what is going on in heterosexual relationships and in birthing methods. All of which come under his remit.
Wednesday, 25 July 2012
New Archbishop hops straight into innuendo and ignorance on LGBT health
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted Matthew 5:4
Though not necessarily from Archbishop Philip Tartaglia, the newly appointed Catholic Archbishop for the Diocese of Glasgow.
I first encountered acute pancreatitis, the disease which struck down David Cairns MP, during my running days, when it struck down one of the men I knew from the long distance road racing circuit. You see on of the less common causes is repeated marathon running and back in the early 90s that was even more of a craze for people. That particular man was in his mid thirties and left a wife and two young children behind when he too died of the disease. He was in very good health you would assume judging by the times he was able to run. Yet his body also succumbed at a young age.
The new Archbishop in his statement says:
"If what I have heard is true about the relationship between physical and mental health of gay men, if it is true, then society has been very quiet about it.
"Recently in Scotland there was a gay Catholic MP who died at the age of 44 or so and nobody said anything and why his body should just shut down at that age, obviously he could have had a disease which would have killed anyone, but you seem to hear so many stories about this kind of thing."But society won't address it."
So firstly yes Your Eminence it is a disease that could have killed anyone. So well done on upsetting that man's family, also other sufferers of acute pancreatitis and a great many other people who have family that die young. Medicine is great, but not 100% guaranteed to help up all live to Cardinal retirement age.
As for the mental health problems in gay men. Yes there is a higher prevalence of it. But it is societal issues that cause it. It is churches denying that there are young gay men and women in their midst which leave each individual to struggle on alone until they realise differently. It is the pressure from society, from peers at school, in the workplace, on the sports field to fit in with the heterosexual experience that is freely talked about, when your own experience is often hushed up by society.
So to make his first proclamation again attacking the gay community including those within his church he has carried on adding to that anxiety, mental anguish and worry of many of his flock. Well done.
Maybe we should ask him and other church leaders to help address that.
Monday, 23 August 2010
Cause or Effect? Mental Health Among Gay Community
Yesterday whilst I was busy moving back to Northern Ireland I did sit down with the Observer while on the ferry. However, this one from Tracy McVeigh did stand out in light of a conversation me and Mícheál had had the previous evening.
It is looking at the issue of mental health in the LGBT community that will appear in this month's Attitude. The article suggests that rather than homosexuality being a result of mental health as was an officially held stance until the 90s, it is a result of societies failure to provide for homosexuals. One killing quote is:
For the fact is that young gay men or lesbian women only really get the chance to meets others with their sexuality in that setting or online. Or at least with any certainty that the question is not going to be taken the wrong way. A heterosexual can happily go up to somebody they fancy and tell them so without fear of any repercussion except rejection. An LGBT individual has to take a chance of a random person they fancy. First they come out to that person by asking, that person may take an adverse reaction to the suggestion that they themselves are gay, which might result in violence, name calling etc. instead of just rejection.
There is also a pointing out of the word 'gay' amongst young people to mean that something is bad. The issue arises when someone who has grown up hearing that usage suddenly realises later on that they are the word which those around them have associated with equally bad all this time.
All this insecurity on many different levels leads to the fact that there are so few out role models that people can look up to. If even someone has confident as David Laws feels the need to have kept his sexuality private and Gareth Thomas only recently had the confidence to come out himself, it shows that even the most confident people are going to be open about their sexuality without mix.
However, from personal experience even some of the most confident, outspoken and outgoing gay people I know have some level of mental instability. It's not what made them gay but it is a result of the pressures and expectations that society places on them.
Do click on the link above and read Tracy's article in full it is well worth a read and something that even straight friends of LGBT individuals should read to enable them to maybe understand what their friends are sometimes going through.
It is looking at the issue of mental health in the LGBT community that will appear in this month's Attitude. The article suggests that rather than homosexuality being a result of mental health as was an officially held stance until the 90s, it is a result of societies failure to provide for homosexuals. One killing quote is:
"Imagine if we expected a young heterosexual girl to get her first lesson about relationships in a singles bar."
For the fact is that young gay men or lesbian women only really get the chance to meets others with their sexuality in that setting or online. Or at least with any certainty that the question is not going to be taken the wrong way. A heterosexual can happily go up to somebody they fancy and tell them so without fear of any repercussion except rejection. An LGBT individual has to take a chance of a random person they fancy. First they come out to that person by asking, that person may take an adverse reaction to the suggestion that they themselves are gay, which might result in violence, name calling etc. instead of just rejection.
There is also a pointing out of the word 'gay' amongst young people to mean that something is bad. The issue arises when someone who has grown up hearing that usage suddenly realises later on that they are the word which those around them have associated with equally bad all this time.
All this insecurity on many different levels leads to the fact that there are so few out role models that people can look up to. If even someone has confident as David Laws feels the need to have kept his sexuality private and Gareth Thomas only recently had the confidence to come out himself, it shows that even the most confident people are going to be open about their sexuality without mix.
However, from personal experience even some of the most confident, outspoken and outgoing gay people I know have some level of mental instability. It's not what made them gay but it is a result of the pressures and expectations that society places on them.
Do click on the link above and read Tracy's article in full it is well worth a read and something that even straight friends of LGBT individuals should read to enable them to maybe understand what their friends are sometimes going through.
Monday, 28 December 2009
Goodbye Mrs Robinson
So long, farewell, you're departures overdue.
She won't be missed by you, and you and you.
She won't be missed by you, and you and you.
Yes Iris Robinson is to quit public life stating depression as the reason.
Now I wouldn't normally make like of anyone's mental health but Iris has hoisted a petard of her own making in her utterances on the subject of mental health. Remember back in 2008 when Iris said:
"I have a very lovely psychiatrist who works with me in my offices and his Christian background is that he tries to help homosexuals - trying to turn away from what they are engaged in."
I wonder if she is now working with him in his offices?
Of course as Iris points out she is just one in four of the population who "struggle with mental illnesses at one level or another". That is people with a genuine reason for going to see one. Not for the reason that is 2008 she advocated that about one in ten of the population needed to see one. He lovely psychiatrist friend would have had quite a healthy practice if that were the case.
She has said that "the stress and strain of public life comes at a cost and my health has suffered". The thing is that the stress and strain of living a gay life can lead to mental health issues, but majorly these are caused either by not accepting oneself for who you are, which is normally brought on by being surrounded by people around you who consider it to not be right.
As I said earlier I don't cast aspersions at anyone's mental health, regular readers who have read my letter to my sixteen year old self, have probably already put two and two together and I'll be awarding ticks later. So I do wish Iris a full recovery from her depression. I also hope that through this experience she may also learn that some of the things from her public life are utterances that may have led others to a similar state.
Update: In response to one message I have recieved already, depite being educated in Iris's Strangford constituency I will not be putting myself forward as an Alliance candidate to replace her.
Update 2: I see that Iain Dale has linked to this blog post and it is causing some misunderstanding, not from Iain, but from his blog readers. Therefore to verify I'm posting here the comment I have made on Iain's comments.
"I see that [some commenters] have taken my comments in the wrong way.
"As I do say on my own blog I don't take people's mental problems lightly, the reason as hinted at are that I did suffer depression at a young age due to the repression of my sexuality as one who grew up in the Northern Irish culture.
"I do genuinely wish that Iris makes a recovery, but I'm fully aware that recovery from a bout of depression and recovering from depression are two very different things. Indeed just like some people are recovering alcoholics so some people are aware and coping depressives.
"However, as I also know both the stresses of a live involved in politics and also of the stresses of a live being told you are abnormal because of what you feel. I wasn't handing out a scolding but pointing out the juxtoposition of Iris's public statements effect on others and the end of her public life."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)