We're sorry to interrupt with other news and sport

Yeah, this morning the BBC went into a frenzy as I was making breakfast and watching BBC Breakfast. The number of non-Royal Baby news stories, and indeed the weather that somehow earned some mention of the news item, for which the only news we have is that the Duchess of Cambridge was admitted in the early stages of Labour was rolling and almost continuous. Going live every 15 minutes to poor Nicholas Witchell who would only have something new to report if he donned scrubs and snuck inside the Lindo Wing of St. Mary's Paddington himself.

But then when the BBC have to give a disclaimer that their news channel coverage may contain other news stories and sport surely things have gone a little bit too far.

Royal Yacht to cheer up Diamond Jubilee - the solution

So the Queen wants a yacht!

Or rather Michael Gove thinks we should as a grateful nation give her one as a 60 years long service award for her current job. I'm thinking the £60m that it would cost might go some way to giving some of us without jobs greater assistance in finding one, rather than as an award for one that one was merely born into. Most of us who are unemployed don't have the luxury of a family 'firm' to fall back on.

However, if as Michael Gove says he is worried that the Diamond Jubilee celebrations are being put in the shade by the Olympic, I have a solution. If only George VI's doctors has euthanased him a month early to avoid such a clash, rather than a few hours so his death would make the morning papers.

But seriously the solution is to actually get her a yacht, not one of his motor cruisers with funnels etc, but a yacht with ropes and sails and everything. It is something she could easily get tutelage from some of her distant cousins. Hopefully they can get her up to speed to emulate many of her cousins in taking part in the games themselves.

For example the exploits of ex-King (then Crown Prince) Constantine of Greece (pictured GE3) in the 1960 games in Rome, who took the gold medal with his crew in the Dragon class, a now defunct class. But members of the Royal Family have spent time on Constantine's yacht, or that of his sister Sofia's husband, better known as King Juan Carlos of Spain. So there is a definite connection between the Windsors and Olympic gold in yachting.

Of course poor Constantine didn't quite have a home regatta he had to take part in the Med but at the Bay of Naples. Though he is a first cousin to the Duke of Edinburgh, but although being descended through Victoria's eldest daughter Victoria is higher in the order of succession that Prince Philip would be who is only descended from a younger daughter Alice.

In 1964 and 68 another cousin a descendant of Edward VII's daughter Maud, the current King Harald V of Norway took part in the 5.5m class (boats like those in the picture). His best was 8th in Tokyo in 64. However, his father Olav V had won Gold in 1928 in a 6m boat. Harald is still sailing competitively at least until recently as in 2007 he came 6th in a class at the World Championships and won a European title in 2005.

Constantine's sister Sophia has managed to give birth to two more Royal Olympian sailors. Her second daughter Christina took part in the regatta in 1988 coming 20th in the Tornado having carried the standard in the opening ceremony. Sophia's son Crown Prince Felipe has the honour of being the only Royal who has sailed in an Olympic regatta on home soil at the Barcelona Games of 1992, when he also had the honour of carrying his nations flag before his father and mother in the box. In the regatta he game in sixth in the Soling class.

So maybe we should get Her Majesty a Elliott or 470 class yacht and see if she can qualify for the Olympics as a condition of her keeping it.

She didn't reign over us - but what if?

So the Commonwealth heads of state have agreed to end the system of male primogeniture. It will not be retrospective therefore the Princess Royal will sadly not shoot up the Royal succession charts from number 10 back to number 4, the position she last held the moment before Prince William was born. However, as the historian it does make me look at what would have happened if the rule change had come in earlier, here are  three important turning points in history if things had been different.

Margaret

It is 1509 and Henry VII lies dying from tuberculous, his eldest surviving child Margaret is making the journey south from her husband James IV's Kingdom to be at her father's side. Her first son James had died the year before and she is currently early in the pregnancy of her second son Arthur who will be named after her late brother. Her 18 year old brother Henry rides to meet her at York and escort her to Richmond where their father lies dying. She arrives just in time to be beside her father. See is crowned Queen Margaret in Westminster Abbey by the Archbishop of Canterbury, but her husband ordered that the Stone of Destiny be transported from Scone and placed into a specially designed throne so that he could sit beside her. The infant Prince Arthur was sadly to die months after being present at his mother's coronation. But she was to bear another son James who would be King James I of England and V of Scotland. Under her reign the UK remained a Catholic nation but was to become a tolerant society for the reformation that swept Europe in the reigns of her descendants.

Her brother Henry married their brother Arthur's widow Catherine of Aragon, but when he grew tired of her in 1533 after she only bore the Duke of York a daughter Mary, the Queen refused to have him annul his marriage. He took a series of mistresses, first Anne Boleyn with who he had an illegitimate daughter Elizabeth. Catherine died in 1536 and the Prince remarried to Jane Seymour who bore him a son Edward but she died in childbirth. He found a third wife in Anne of Cleeves but she was not as attractive as her portrait portrayed her but again the Queen refused to annul the marriage. He took in turn two more mistresses Catherine Howard, the cousin of his previous mistress Anne Boleyn, and Catherine Parr who it is said he was most happy with.

Scenario one After Henry VII, Queen Margaret I (Apr 1509- Oct 1541), James I of England and V of Scotland (Oct 1541- Dec 1542), Queen Mary (Dec 1542- Mar 1602*), King James II and VI of Scotland, Queen Elizabeth I (Mar 1925- Feb 1662), King Charles I (see below) ( Feb 1662- Aug 1680), King Charles II (Aug 1860- May 1865), Queen Elizabeth II (May 1865- Dec 1722), King Philip I (Dec 1722- Dec 1723), Queen Louise I (Dec 1723- Feb 1743), Queen Charlotte (Feb 1743- Jan 1761), King Louis (Jan 1761- May 1768), Queen Louise II (May 1768- Jun 1821), King Louis Philippe I of UK and France (Jun 1821- Aug 1850), King Philip II (Aug 1850- Sep 1894), Queen Amelie (Sep 1894- Oct 1951), Queen Margaret II (Oct 1951 - Present)

The woman who's diamond Jubilee we could have been celebrating on Tuesday

Elizabeth II?

Suppose instead the change was brought in my either Mary or Elizabeth after they succeeded their father Henry VIII and brother Edward VI. In 1625 James I of England and VI of Scotland dies and his daughter Elizabeth become Queen Elizabeth II. The Queen had married some 12 years earlier Frederick V, Elector Palatine. After almost 37 years on the throne dies in 1662 leaving her son already reigning for 30 years as Karl I Ludwig to assume the throne of England as Charles I, who reigns benevolently for 18 years as he is ruling the United Kingdom and is not a focus for opposition forces there is no Civil War. In 1680 he is succeeded by his son as Charles II sadly Charles II's marriage to Princess Wilhelmina Ernestina of Denmark is childless when he dies five years into his reign to be succeeded by his sister as Elizabeth III, who was married to the younger brother of the King of  France.

Scenario two after James I, Queen Elizabeth II (Mar 1925- Feb 1662), King Charles I (see above) ( Feb 1662- Aug 1680), King Charles II (Aug 1860- May 1865), Queen Elizabeth III (May 1865- Dec 1722), King Philip II** (Dec 1722- Dec 1723), Queen Louise I (Dec 1723- Feb 1743), Queen Charlotte (Feb 1743- Jan 1761), King Louis (Jan 1761- May 1768), Queen Louise II (May 1768- Jun 1821), King Louis Philippe I of UK and France (Jun 1821- Aug 1850), King Philip III (Aug 1850- Sep 1894), Queen Amelie (Sep 1894- Oct 1951), Queen Margaret (Oct 1951 - Present)

Queen Victoria II?

Finally in 1901 when Queen Victoria I died her daughter the German Empress Frederick becomes Queen Victoria II and her son  Wilhelm II becomes heir apparent. The Queen moves for an act of Parliament to co-join the two Empires allowing her eldest son to succeed her, which the Marquess of Salisbury delivers in person for Royal Ascent just before the summer recess. However, within weeks of the Royal Succession Act of 1901 passing into the Queen dies on 5 August and the House of Hohenzollern-Saxe-Coburg-Gotha are in mourning for a second time in seven months. The Emperor rules Germany and the UK until 4 June 1941 just before the celebration to mark the 40th anniversary of the Royal Succession Act (1901) and his own reign in the UK. However he did extend his Empire after winning the Great War of 1914-16. Annexing France and Poland. He is recognised by Tsar Nicholas II and Emperor Charles of Austria-Hungary as Holy Roman Emperor. However, Nicholas is deposed by a communist uprising in 1921 the same year that William II of Germany and V of the United Kingdom declares an independent Ireland.

Scenario three  after Victoria, Queen Victoria II (Jan-Aug 1901), King William V (Aug 1901-Jun 1941), King William VI (Jun 1941-July 1951), Queen Felicitas (July 1951- Aug 2009), Queen Frederica (2009-present)

All three of these ladies were the oldest surviving child when their reigning parent died and as you can see there are interesting twists to history that would have been the outcome, not just to the history of the Royal Family but to the UK and Europe as a whole.

* Of course without Elizabeth being a legitimate threat to the Mary she is not executed and lives to the age of 60.
** Of course Queen Mary Henry VIII's daughter married Philip of Spain and her titles were his for the term of their marriage, making him King Philip of England, hence in this time like the first Philip who is an heir has the second regnal number.

Further reading If you like slants on actual geo-political history I can recommend Prime Minister Portillo: and Other Things that Never Happened (2004) edited by Duncan Brack and Iain Dale. But I also have just  seen there are follow ups also edited by Duncan of counter factuals President Gore: and Other Things that Never Happened and Prime Minister Boris: and Other Things that Never Happened. I'm sure a fourth volume will have to include will have to include a chapter, if not be the title "Queen Victoria II: and Other Things that Never Happened" looking at the issue of gender neutral primogeniture well Duncan you know where you can find me to contribute that chapter.

Meal a naidheachd to the Bride and Groom

It is not the grandest church on the Royal Mile that would be the Catherdral of St. Giles High Kirk, which contains the Thistle Chapel, on up the hill. Nor is it the Kirk associated with Royal occassions; the ruined Holyrood Abbey at the foot of the Mile has seen Royal Weddings including those of James II, III, and IV of Scotland the latter to Margaret Tudor the sister of Henry VIII of England. Nor is the oldest that being St. Margaret's Chapel at the Castle.

But the Kirk of the Canongate (pictured) is the parish Kirk not only of the Scottish Parliament across the street but of the Palace of Holyrood (as well as the odd detachment of the Parish of Edinburgh Castle itself). Indeed it is just below the Canongate Tolbooth which marks the entrance to the Old City proper, being part of the separate Canongate Burgh until 1856 until it was absorbed into Edinburgh. The graveyard provides the resting place of economist Adam Smith and poet Robert Fergusson (whose statue is on the pavement outside).

Today it sees the wedding of the eldest Granddaughter of one of its parishioners, and will have to fly the Soveriegn's standard during the service. Because this is the church in which Zara Phillips will be marrying Mike Tindall. Up the Hill tourists and locals will be queueing for Fringe tickets which gets underway next week. Or enjoying the historic old town. So with her family including her Grandmother HM Queen Elizabeth II and Grandfather the Duke of the City she is getting married in two sporting worlds Rugby and Equestrianism will come together, her mother being the common link as Patron of the Scottish Rugby Football Union as well as a former world class Three Day Eventer.

But as my title says in Gaelic (that is the Scots variety) Congratulations to teh Bride and Groom, it is their .

Those Titles and my family

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (Picture from PA)

I really couldn't believe it when I heard the set of titles that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II bestowed upon her grandson on the day of his wedding. Creating him Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn and Baron Carrickfergus was a strange parallel to my family.

Before Katherine went to St. Andrews a girl from Lurgan did likewise. She met a man from St. Salvator's in her first year but it wasn't until their second year that these two started to go out, that man's mother at one point taught in Strathearn School in Belfast.

The two young people got married in Bangor, Northern Ireland, but the reception was at the Mageramourne Hotel near Larne. The Best Man, the groom's brother, drove them away from the reception, but had to return them there for the night. He I drove them to Carrickfergus Castle car park where they got out to have a stroll to have their first quiet time together since getting married, a little like the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are doing now.

Their elder child, my elder nephew completes the story, as after some time in Chester they moved to Cambridge where he was born and dedicated.

So congratulations to William and Catherine Their Royal Highnesses the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on this the day of their marriage. I was happy to watch their wedding with two other St. Andrews' graduands who I stood beside as they made their vows almost 16 years ago, and whose marriage I was one of the official witnesses.

Strictly Come Royalty

Congratulations to Lord Freddie Windsor and his new bride actress Sophie Winkleman. Not only has the 32nd in line to the throne and his bride, half sister to It Takes Two presenter Claudia, tied the knot but they have also refused to let the celebrity press pay £600,000 for their wedding day pictures. Instead of taking £100,000 more than 11th in line Peter Philips last year, apparently with the Queen's disapproval, they gave one of the Royal magazines Majesty exclusivity for free.

A spokesman for the newlyweds said they had turned down the "life-changing" amount of money for the exclusive rights adding:

"They certainly thought hard about it but in the end they decided it wouldn’t be right. I’m sure the reputation of the royal family was part of their thinking."

Sophie in her career played Princess Eleanor in the ITV drama The Palace the elder and somewhat scheming sister of the fictional young King Richard IV. The couple are now preparing for a life in Holywood as she embarks on a new US comedy series 100 Questions for Charlotte Payne. The groom, only son of Prince and Princess Michael of Kent, is to continue his banking career in California with JP Morgan.

Although the most senior Royal to attend was Princess Eugenie, the King and Queen from The Palace Rupert Evans and Jane Asher did read a poem in the ceremony at Hampton Court.

Exclusive: Lionel talks to Sooty

I is very excited this morning as Mister Stephen, following my interview with Mister Viking Leader last year, has landed me another all star interviewee.

So Mister Sooty. There has been a lot of coverage in the press recently about your relationship with the Prince of Wales, would you care to comment.

What was that I didn't quite hear?

Excuse me readers I have to lean in so he can whisper.

Oh. What do you mean you hardly know Mister Prince Charles?

Sorry folks I'm not sure if the mic is picking up Mister Sooty here. But he said that he has only ever met Mister HRH at Royal Variety Performances.

Mister Sooty it is understand that Mister Prince Charles and Mister Prince Williiam call you Sooty on account of, how can I put this delicately, well on account of colour. The colour of your ears to be specific. How do you feel about that?

Oh, everybody calls you that do they? Does that make it alright do you think? How do you think we should make racism or derogatory comments history?

Pass you your what? Ah this. And what was that?

Oh everybody. Mister Sooty has an answer but he needs your help. Apparently we all know the magic word.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Waving of magic wand.


Come on every one "Izzy Wizzy Let's Get Busy." Make the magic happen and show racism the red card.

Google UK Blown Off the Google Earth

It was just an ordinary Thursday. That is except that the woman's profile that once upon a time graced green bits of paper which appeared in people's wallets, before they were phased out for round gold coloured coinage, also graced the front page of the world's largest Internet search engine. For on this particular Thursday this octogenarian, and her even older husband, were just slipping down the road from their town house to visit the London HQ of the world's guide to well life, the universe and everything really. That was before they got home to find the place swamped with Olympic and Paralympic athletes, who said they'd just popped around for a nice cup of tea. Although she was rather proud that they seemed to have raided a fair proportion of all the gold in China.

When they got they dottery they were not showing a aptitude for mouse eye co-ordination that many younger people may be jealous of. However, when the Duke of Edinburgh was being shown images of Buckingham Palace just up the road he asked the whizz kids if they could show him their base at Belgrave House, 76 Buckingham Palace Rd, London, United Kingdom. Sadly all Google Earth could show him at that location was a hole in the ground, where the building had yet to be, it appears that His Royal Highness had uncovered a glitch in the fabric of the space google time continuum, no doubt one of the casually dressed members of staff, providing it wasn't assigned to the teaboy in error will have been putting that to right straight away.