Thursday, 19 February 2015

Let's give Paul Givan and his Christian Brethren equality with NI's LGBT people

Last night Paul Givan on the Nolan Show had the audacity to say that LGBT rights in Northern Ireland were of higher value than Christian Rights.

Therefore I have finally agreed to accept his argument on this and believe that the DUP should forthwith reintroduce equality between LGBT individuals and Christians. Here are the list of bills that need to be introduced in Northern Ireland:

  • Marriage Bill (Northern Ireland) Christian Place of Worship Amendment  - Christians shall not be allowed to marry in any location in Northern Ireland. All Christian meeting places shall no longer be allowed to carry out marriages.  Those that wish to have their relationship recognised by the state can go to their City Hall or Town Hall and have a civil partnership ceremony carried out. Any Christian couple who are married outside Northern Ireland when they come to Northern Ireland will be recognised in law as Civil Partners only.
  • Blood Donation (Northern Ireland) Bill No Christian shall be allowed to donate blood in Northern Ireland. This is based on the fact that the Department of Health have scientific evidence that because of drinking the blood of Christ we are not sure that a 1 year referral period after drinking communion is sufficient to meet the conditions of security and integrity of the NI blood supply. While the assembly is aware that England, Wales and Scotland read the report to say there is no need for this lifetime ban we know better.
  • Adoption and Family (Northern Ireland) Bill We believe that Christians are not to be trusted to raise children. What with their hymns, weekends devoted to hours and hours of endless church going and having a lifestyle that seems to deny fun which is an essential part of a child's upbringing. We also note that the ongoing investigation into abuse in Children's homes reflect poorly on such institutions that are run by religious orders so obviously the only reason Christians want to get hold of children is for paedophilia. To protect our children Christians therefore will be refused the right to adopt children in Northern Ireland or to look after them in care homes.
  • Religious and Personal  Development Education (Northern Ireland) Regulations We will remove the right of religious education to include Christianity in Northern Ireland schools to put it on a footing with LGBT education. Also in Personal Development Education we will take isolated verses from other religions and other writings that attack Christianity and show it is wrong without any balance from other sources, in line with sexual orientation as in the current guidelines. We are aware that some children may find this uncomfortable to deal with but we don't think that is a consideration that we need to look into too deeply.
  • Christianphobic Bullying (Northern Ireland) Bill We shall remove Christianity as a diversity that needs to be protected within our education system. Those schools do not need to have a policy against Christianphobic bullying in place nor condemn children who use Christianphobic language in the class room.
  • Provision of Churches (Northern Ireland) Bill We note that Christian friendly buildings, also known as churches, are far more widely accessible that LGBT friendly places of congregation, also know as bars. Therefore to introduce equality of access we shall limit Churches to three in Belfast (all on one street), two in Londonderry/Derry, one each in Strabane and Newry. Christians in other locations will have to make do or survive in isolation or ignorance that other Christians exist or make trips to such locations when they can.
As for public perception seeing Christians hold hands or kiss in public places can be shunned by others (even if those of other faiths or none are doing the same in the greater number nearby). Shouting derogatory phrases at them is merely part of the Northern Irish society that we live in and is to be expected.

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