Scientist Farm

Drayson was one of the smarter pigs on Manor Farm he was an Oxford Sandy and Black by breed. After Mr Nutt the Pharmacist was driven away from Manor farm by Johnson the Eastern Yorkshire, Brown the Scottish Saddleback charged Drayson with creating some rules by which all the animals could settle their grievances.

After a few days of thought he came to Brown and said he was ready. All the animals assembled from both barns met down by by the river and listened to Brown as he read out what Drayson had previously written up on the side of the big barn in whitewash.

1. Whatever goes against science is an enemy
2. Whatever comes from open views, or has proof, is valid for consideration.
   
3. No animal mind shall be closed.
4. No animal shall heap scorn on the views of the living or dead.
5. No animal shall think another a fool.
6. No animal shall sack any other animal for their opinion.
7. All scientific opinions are equal.

All of the animals nodded and thought that they were a good set of rules by which to bring things before the council of elders that Brown had established. Some of them felt they could advise as to the needs of the sheep for fresh grass, or the chickens for little tabs of feed. Even old Benn nodded his approval as he supped on some of the fermented berries.

However, as time passed some of the ideas brought by some of the other animals were rejected by the elders. But when they were they were taken to the barn and told to look at the rules. Sure enough they read.

1. Whatever goes against our view of science is an enemy
2. Whatever comes from open views, or has proof, is valid for consideration.
   
3. No animal mind shall be closed to the way of the elders.
4. No animal shall heap scorn on the views of the living or dead with snouts.
5. No animal shall think another a full advisor with his own say.
6. No animal shall sack any other animal for their opinion shared by the elders.
7. All scientific opinions are equal.

One day however, two of the goats got all uppity about never being taken seriously on the matter that some interesting mushrooms were ideal for the animals, and not as dangerous as they had been led to believe. They went to the council of elders and said but didn't you get rid of Nutt so that we could get on with thinking for ourselves. Wasn't all opinion of equal, isn't all open views something you have to consider.

The elders said we have considered and rejected your view, the troll is more dangerous that the fire that comes from the sky, or the festered water that if you drink too much of you can die. And those mushrooms are not to be eaten.

As they walked away from the council the goats looked back at the writing and they thought there was less of it, but Brown's bodyguard assured them that they were mistaken, this was the way it had always been. The white letters read:

• Whatever comes from open views, or has proof, is valid for consideration, but will be rejected if it is against our goals.
• All scientific opinions are equal but some are more equal that others.

With apologies to George Orwell.

New Edict from Non-Scientific Home Office

Memo from the Home Office:

From the Inquisition Chamber,
Home Office,
Whitehall,
SW1

Effective Immediately.

We have listened to scientific advise, and after a review decided that we know best after all, therefore in the this the year of our Lord Mandelson 2 we declare:

• The earth is flat and all globes shall be taken from schools and places of learning forthwith and beaten into a level playing field (Minster of Sport to be consulted about availability of these)
• This earth is at the centre of the Universe, the sun, planets and stars revolve around us. Anyone caught mentioning Galileo is to be rowed to the edge of the world and thrown off.
• If any ape suggests we are their decedent we say shoot them. Apparently those Gorillas have been saying that most loudly, shouldn't take too long for the SAS to get rid of the remaining ones. (However, send them by boat, man wasn't meant to fly, that is just unnatural)
  
• Penicillin is just mould and we will commission Kim and Aggie to look into its effective removal.
• This going to a switch in the wall and things coming on is witchcraft. We will take all 'electrical' engineers to the nearest lake and test them for witchery by means of ordeal by water. Any floaters, we expect the majority, will be burnt at the stake.
• Vehicles that move without visible means or forward momentum are also beyond our reasoning. We will announce an amnesty for those that use such contraptions to trade them in for 2 horses so as they can pull their carts.
• Mead, beer and the smoking of the noble weed brought back from the edge of the world by Sir Walter Rayleigh are honourable pastimes and the later does not affect innocent by standers. Anyone who suggests otherwise is clearly Nutts.
• We are not too sure about the lumpy, round, root crop he also brought back and we think there is still some need for scientific research. We have asked Colonel Sanders and Ronald McDonald to get all the goodness out of this item.

Signed Alan Johnson

Lord High Inquisitor