Following his announcement yesterday that registrars may be allowed to refuse to carry out same-sex marriage the SNP's Scottish Health Minister has announced that LGBT Scots will also be allowed to withhold their services from those that they conscientiously disagree with.
Many wedding dress designers and kilt outfitters will withhold their services from couples who get married without having a genuine LGBT friend on the invite list. As for brides who object to same-sex love they will be hard pressed to find a hairdresser for the big day. And the honeymoon had better be a staycation and those air stewards aren't letting you on the plane.
Musical and ballet companies will carry out a comprehensive survey of theatre goers as they enter the foyer. Any that show homophobic tendencies will be escorted off the premises. With more people using set top boxes to watch their TV, the aggressive homosexual activists will demand if some LGBT friendly programming is not stored in the recorded items or favourites any show featuring and LGBT artist will be automatically blocked with a "signal is scrambled" message appearing for the duration.
As for Colin and Justin, you cross them and you'll never have a nice interior in any of your homes EVER.
As for the gay fireman who will not help out out an objector's house fire? Or the gay police officer who refuses to take a statement from those who protest with their scripture verses should they be attacked?
Speaking on the issue Mr Neil said:
"I realise that my comments yesterday upset the friends of Dorothy, although John Mason was pleased. I hope that giving these powers to the aggressive homosexuals can appease for those registrars who will refuse to marry them."
* This is of course 100% satire.