School Plays To Change Forever

So now our literature and plays are to be watered down for school productions. So here are a few of the changes to be looked out for, found on a photocopier at the Department of Education and Skills.

Animal Farm:

The main charactors can no longer be portrayed as pigs they must instead be referred by their full titles as PC Squealer, Sgt Snowball and Chief Superintentent Napoleon. Also cut out the bits about terrorising Mr. Jones see current change in legislation.

A Merchant of Venice:

Shylock the Jew to be renamed Sebastian the Merchant Banker. William Hague's ammendment to make the plot about saving the pound instead of Antonio's pound of flesh has been rejected.

Pirates of Penznace:

Of course piracy is a crime therefore the pirates can either be replaced by malcontents on jetskis or surfers protesting against pollution.

Little Shop of Horrors:

Gender balance is required in the protitudes outside the shop. Therefore a lad in full football kit should be added. Of course all reference to the profession of these people is not to be mentioned, any copy of the News of the World found near the staging area may affect the schools funding for the next few years; Ruth Kelly or her sucessor will be informed.

Much Ado About Nothing:

Children really shouldn't be reading Hansard at such a young age they might get ideas about not voting Labour.